Just MakeItBetter

I’ve been feeling a bit unmotivated lately.

Sometimes, I lose the pep in my step. More often than that, I get anxious about whatever so-called plateau I’ve created for myself.

It feels like I am in all three right now. I’ve been working on waking up my internal cheerleader, but she’s become a lazy bitch. So I’m resorting to bragging on my blog.

Now, what does this do for you?

I mean, that is the reason I do this whole blogging thing. (So my obsession with making this world a better place can help others learn from my life and avoid these debacles - in case you weren’t sure.)

It helps to look at your life for all the greatness you have in it. For what you’ve created in it.

I’m in a lazy mood, (remember?) so I’m going with a list for this one.

1. People know not what they do. My father was an abusive drunk and I was a loud kid. You get the picture. I’ve forgiven him. All is well now. I decided not to drink that self-inflicted poison.

2. I have a few great friends. I’ve managed to keep the good ones and weed out the toxic ones. Yaay!

3. Saying no to cake. I have a sweet tooth. It’s under control. I could be better, but considering my friend once hurled a Snickers bar across the store because I couldn’t resist, I’d say there’s been significant improvement.

4. No consumer debt. Besides the 10k in student loans, I’m totally financially free. In less than two years I’ve paid off 4k in credit cards and almost 8k in a car loan. And I probably make less than you.

5. Spilled milk isn’t worth crying over. “Get over it Nicole, it’s not that bad. Seriously, just get over it.” I did and will continue too. Once you get the habit of it, it’s no big deal.

6. Mommie Dearest. My mother drives me crazy. She’s amazing though. I’ve learned to deal, breathe or leave the room. It’s okay, karma will just give me a kid just like me.

7. Scary stuff. Fear is just your body’s way of letting you know you really want something, but it doesn’t believe you can do it. I make sure to let my body know who’s boss.

8. Small town girl. I am proud I escaped the sandbox that is my hometown. I could’ve stuck my head it in and continued to suffocate. Instead I took the best lessons it could teach and followed my heart.

Amen baby.

No go, write your own list. You’re a raging success too. Success isn’t a future event, it’s happening to you right now.

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photo by Exfordy

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Now that you're acquainted, subscribe to my feed! Thanks for visiting, commenting and coming back ;)

My feed is now working. So go subscribe before it’s too cool and you feel like a poser b/c you’re getting on the bandwagon late in the game.

Btw, until I find a programmer who likes being paid in cookies and smiles please bear with me as I learn this blogging stuff. Who knows what interesting issues lie ahead so I appreciate your patience and understanding.

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Here are many ways to decide how to be a woman:

• Daughter.
• Powerful.
• Lover.
• Worker.
• Pretty.
• Strong.
• Dynamic.
• Mother.
• Creator.
• Wife.
• Classy.
• Risk-taker.

Years ago in American society, what it meant to be a woman was decided by men and society.

Older society members would dictate how a woman was supposed to act, how she looked, what she did and who she became. Typically instituted by men, limitations and boundaries were set to reinforce the era’s model representation.

Women were never free to express their femininity on their own terms.

Our society might seem like it has its grasp on female freedom, but that’s only instilled in those who allow fear to hold them back. A phenomenal woman doesn’t allow social pressure and expectation to keep her from accomplishing her dreams.  How to be a woman means to be whatever you want it to be. You can be the prude, the slut, the working mom, the smoldering sex kitten,  or a little bit of everything.

Unlike before, this is our time to define feminine perfection. However we see fit.

Start crafting.

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This will be the last post in The Ultimate Crap Detox series. I hope this process has helped even one person reevaluate their relationship with money and things. I hope it helps many others too.

Here are parts 1, 2, 3, and 4 for those of you who are interested in participating.

It’s been almost two years since I went through my own crap detox. I remember how difficult it was and how much I believed I would feel down forever. Now, like most hard times, I am thankful for having gone through it.

Life is so much better without consumerism (unconsciously) plaguing me.

Settled in on the other side, here’s what I’ve learned so far:

1. I Love Stuff

Things can never bring true happiness. They can’t prove love. They can’t fulfill or define, but they sure can add that cherry on top. Material possessions can enhance your life. Just because I don’t need to buy things, doesn’t mean I still don’t freak out over an adorable sun dress.

2. Quantity Is Meaningless.

These are a few of my favorite things: nice cards, great books, big TV’s, Kate Spade, pretty packaging, nifty containers, yummy smells, a good stylist, talented chefs, natural foods, BCBG, cashmere, anything pink, comfy couches, amazing patisseries.

I am no rich girl (yet) but I have a lot more money then the average person. It’s only because I stopped spending it. Sometimes, just because I love it, I’ll have dinner at an expensive restaurant or buy an overpriced, but exquisite item.

I always longed for certain experiences and luxuries, but because I don’t squander my money on the compulsive need to consume, I can actually afford some of them. Now I can have what I no longer need, but still want.

3. Resourceful meets Thoughtful.

When holidays and other times of gifting come around, I now see how arbitrary these situations can be. Gifting was always one of my favorite things, but the expense of forced thoughtfulness had taken its luster.

Outside of the consumerist bubble I see just how generic holidays can be. With frugality, resourcefulness sets in and the real effort starts. Not using cash to fix the gift quandary allows for sincerity to breathe through.

4. Oh Gluttony.

Before my crap detox I didn’t see how other parts of my life were overindulgent too. I can now see and detox them with greater ease.

For example:

I’ve always loved sweets and I always knew I gave into my cravings more than a nutritionist would allow. It wasn’t until recently that I started noticing how unnecessary it really was. I ate too much of it and was not really enjoying it. It was soothing something else, and it wasn’t my sweet tooth.

It was enough for me to start paying closer attention.

I want to thoroughly enjoy every minute here and that includes my time with cake.

Well, that’s it for now.

I hope this journey has been good to you. Continue it and you’ll forever be grateful for it. Subscribe here if you ever need a pick-me-up.

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Hello All,

This is a friendly request for feedback.

I would really love to hear what everyone thinks of the site, my content and topics.

1. What are your favorite and least favorite pieces?
2. Do you like it long or short?
3. Any topic requests?
4. What niche would you say Makeitbetter is in?
5. What value has the site brought you? If so, why?

Be critical but constructive. Lay it on. I know there’s many lurkers who never comment. I’d especially love to hear from you - the quiet majority.

I really appreciate it and if you don’t want to comment, feel free to email: makeitbetterblog @ gmail DOT c o m

And don’t forget to subscribe. It would make this whole keeping-up-on-content thing a lot easier!

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Our minds are designed to make us remember things we wouldn’t consciously remember otherwise.

• Facts.
• Dates.
• Information.
• Experiences.
• Etc.
  

They are stuffed inside, waiting to be excavated.

It’s incredible, really.

How the brain will do things we otherwise have no idea it is doing, but it manages to get things done for us no matter what.

Last night I watched an episode of Darren Brown. He’s a famous psychological illusionist from England and he is brilliant.

Darren taught the Joe Blow volunteer how to memorize mounds of material so he may compete in a Jeopardy-like British game show one weeks later. One week later Mr. Blow came in 2nd place.

He said it was one of the best experiences he’s ever had.

He said it was something he would have never tried nor had he believed he’d be able to do anything like it.

With the thrill of the show and with a master like Darren Brown’s support, this average man accomplished an incredibly task he wouldn’t have conceived of doing weeks before.

Shit.

Imagine what you could do.

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I truly dislike my job.

Like many Americans, it drains me of all my energy, leaving me empty and unfulfilled. I wake up and feel like I am showering with shackles. Facing the day with an invisible burden.

I’ve read the advice. Often scouring the Internet for some ingenious insights. I’ve blamed myself, my youth, and my grip on the past. I cried self-pityingly, disturbed by myself.

Over time I came to accept the structure, the corporate crap, the rules, the industry, the lack of ingenuity. I found peace with my situation. Battling my distaste wasn’t giving me anything but stomach cramps.

Despite this, each morning I still carry gratuitous weight. The knowing inside me that this just isn’t for me. That it’s just wrong.

Sometimes acceptance is the one thing we need to find, but sometimes all we really need is to accept what is true for us. That this (whatever it may be) just isn’t what we want.

Listen to your instincts, sometimes you don’t need to accept the situation. You just need to get the fuck out of it.

Now go read someone else’s stuff.

Please subscribe first!

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Imagine you’re in the woods. You know where you want to head you just need to keep walking. You’re peaceful, just traveling on the path towards your destination.

After some time you come upon a massive tree stump in your way.

At this point you have a few options:

1. Get dirty, sweaty and possibly hurt yourself trying to climb over it.
2. Wander off the path you were on and find an alternative route.
3. Turn around.
4. Get upset, feel defeated, give up and die.

‘Tis life baby.

What kind of choices do you make?
What do these choices represent in you?

Subscribe. It’s good for you.

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When I would argue and fight with my ex it was usually a brutal bitch fest filled with derogatory anger.

I was pretty cruel. But I always believed it was just my reaction to him, and if HE stopped his ways, I could stop mine too.

We both had our fair share of assholery, but I can only discuss my own.

Once I left that hate-filled relationship, I soon started dating a very calm man. During disagreements he would remain calm and ignore my irrational, emotional automatics. Through his sensibilities my own awareness became heightened. Without a bad attitude to latch onto the negativity of my actions and words would bounce off him and smack me right in the face.

I couldn’t blame my behavior on him this time; I was becoming the same fighter I’d always been.

No matter what the other culprit does it always starts and ends with me.

When we fight with a lover (or anyone for that matter) we are usually very much focused what they do and say rather than our own actions. How they treat us, disrespect us and make us feel.

We’re so damn preoccupied with the injustices they perform; we don’t consciously witness our own. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, no matter how bad the others involved. And that includes you.

The next time you find yourself in a disagreement, try to remain even keeled and unaffected by their behavior. It will take time but with enough practice, you might start to see what they do is not really about you, but their own issues. With enough practice you might realize how you react is totally within your control. With enough practice you’ll stop feeding into other people’s negativity, further breeding your own.

Then maybe, just maybe, the change in you might create a change in them too.

Please subscribe. I’d love you for it!

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So Sydney over at Retirement: A Full-Time Job tagged me. I pretend to hate it but I really love it.

On with the rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share four things in the following themes.
4. Tag four bloggers at the end of the post with a link.
5. Let those four bloggers know they’ve been tagged by commenting on their blog.

Now the fun:

Four jobs I’ve had:

1. Waitress - the only way to get through college
2. Marketer - love the strategy, not the industry.
3. Farm stand attendant - I grew up in a small town and it was high school.
4. Babysitter - I spend five hrs every Saturday with approx. twenty children ranging from three months to nine years. The ultimate baby fever killer.

Four movies I could watch over and over:

Seriously I could be here forever trying to figure this one out. I like/watch way too many.

Four places I have lived:

There’s technically only two locations: upstate and downstate NY. But in the past six years I moved thirteen times, so I think my nomad behavior counts for something.

Four TV shows I love:

I’ve become much more inclined to watch television since my boyfriend got an HDTV. It really does improve the experience.

Recently I’ve been into the following:

1. The Wire
2. Brothers and Sisters
3. Jon and Kate Plus Eight
4. Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares (the UK version)

Four places I have been on holiday:

I haven’t had a vacation in about seven years*, but I have visited:

1. Spain
2. France
3. Miami
4. Boston

* I hope to remedy this soon.

Four of my favorite dishes:

I live in NYC where some of the best food is, but if I had to narrow it down…

1. Singas Pizza (if you’re ever in Queens)
2. Shake Shack burgers in Madison Square Park
3. City Bakery hot chocolate
4. Balthazar (yes, the entire restaurant)

Four websites I visit daily:

1. Smitten Kitchen
2. Jezebel
3. Facebook
4. Popurls

Four places I would rather be now:

I am not really into the ungrateful tone of this question.

In a perfect world:

1. Closer to a Pinkberry
   
2. Already in my pajamas and washed up for the night
3. Cuddling
4. With more subscribers!
   

Ahh, screw that. It’s already perfect.

The Four Bloggers I’m Tagging:

1. Rogue Ink
2. White On Rice Couple
3. In My Heels
4. A Good Husband

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