Just MakeItBetter

Someone shared this amazing idea with me today. It’s a TED Talks video and it’s an intelligent, original idea. In the video, Joshua Klein talks about how we could use a crow’s superior intelligence to benefit society rather then extinguish them.

He explains how the these animals and others like it withstand human development by adapting to the surroundings we’ve created.

Klein goes on to show surprising research that demonstrates a crow’s swift thinking skills while making their living. His intention with this was to show an alternative to population control.

Oddly, this got me thinking about our resistance and judgment of other cultures.

We snarl at crows, but it is only our skewed perception that finds their existence unnecessary.

Similarly, to us, Koreans eating dog is a big taboo, as is people eating horses. Again, this is only how we see it. Perhaps, like with the crows, it is what we don’t know rather than what we do know, that determines our points of view.

And that doesn’t seem very smart, now does it?

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I recently received my stimulus check.

I originally intended to save the entire $600 bucks for my first vacation in seven years.

But I’ve given it some thought, and since I don’t really NEED the money (as in the real definition of neediness), I’ve decided to use a portion of it to help stimulate someone else.

I am going to donate $100 of my check to Kiva.org and I hope I can get other people to do the same.

Now if you’d rather donate it to another organization or individual, so be it. If you didn’t receive a stimulus or aren’t an American getting fed a few hundred bucks in hush money, I still encourage you to consider the idea.

I could give the speel about giving rather than receiving, but you’ve been fed that line before.

This is an easy way to do something for somebody else with money we otherwise wouldn’t have had in the first place.

Any attempt to Just MakeItBetter is one worth doing.

I’m gonna try to get other bloggers in on the action. So do harass your favorites about it and/or please click on the links below to attract my blogger friends’ attention as well.

Thanks all, I appreciate your support.

White on Rice

Retire Syd

In My Heels

Millionaire Mommy

Frugal in the Fruitlands

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This is Part 3 of The Ultimate Crap Detox, which I hope everyone is participating in because nothing is as liberating as freeing yourself from consumerism.

If you haven’t started, please refer here and here to catch up.

This post is easier to cover, but it is still one of the most difficult parts of CD.

As you go along, limiting your purchases and starting the withdrawal process, you may notice that you’ll have an intense desire to spend.Now this may actually be an increased need to spend, it may also just be your minds reaction to not receiving its regular retail fix or it could just be your heightened awareness to how much you do crave obtaining things.

No matter what, it can be difficult to ignore.

During these circumstances you may find you’ll give in to the urge and make a purchase you know isn’t on the detox menu.

Don’t worry it doesn’t really matter.

I know that may sound odd considering the purpose of this experiment, but by falling off the wagon you now have a wonderful opportunity to further explore yourself and your relationship with money and things.

Consider any of the following:

1. How were you feeling when you made the purchase? Ask yourself if these instincts you’re giving in too are emotion based. As in, were you upset about something and it was a form of self-soothing?
2. Was it done out of laziness? Think about whether you were taking the easy way out of a situation. As in, you didn’t want to schlep to the .99 store and stay on budget?
3. Were you rationalizing a want to be a need to fulfill another purpose? Often times this has to be with inflating our ego and the image we care about keeping up. As in, the dress you had to buy for the party (even though with some effort you really have acceptable - but not new - things in your closet already).

You may find there are other reasons for why you relented to spend, so connect with yourself on what those were. Don’t waste your time with self-deprecation though, that only holds you back. If you really want to succeed at this, a bad attitude is not going to help, so get over your mistakes and trudge onward. If you learn from it now, you’ll see it coming next time and won’t fall for your minds unconscious little tricks.

Falling off the wagon hurts, but after a few times the ride will be so easy you might as well be pulling it yourself.

I’d love to hear about anyone’s experience with CD and/or your own consumerism detox story. Leave a comment or send me an email: makeitbetterblog AT gmail DOT com.

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I once pretended that I went to Harvard.

It all started unintentionally when I purchased a cute, pink Harvard t-shirt in Boston while visiting a friend. It fit me well and after a few wears I started to notice that people automatically assumed I went there and treated me differently because of it. I entertained their assumptions often playing along; mostly because it was egotistical and I was twenty and dumb.

As a culture we judge each other based on appearances and we represent ourselves not as who we are, but what we’d like others to think we are.

Hence my Harvard t-shirt spectacle.

This phony behavior often leads to disconnected and equally as phony relationships. If I went around telling new friends I really went to Harvard, that was a big mound of bullshit I would have to keep up or else risk looking like a dishonest loser.

The upkeep of our image will always hold us back.

Anyone can head down to Canal Street and pick up a fake designer bag. They can’t afford the real one and if even if they could they still feel compelled to make sure that everyone around believes they are affluent and important.

If it was about the quality and design of the product, fake would not do and neither would the generic looking ones you find under sheets in the back of a store front.

Most “rich” people in this country are merely average people with too much debt and too little self esteem. They’re worried about what the community will think and their label emblazoned lifestyle supports that. Clothes, products, educations, cars are being used as mantel piece status symbols. Kids are still in costly activities while parents refinance a mortgage to cover credit card debt. Even many well-to-do families exceed their limitations, because the image race never ends until you say so.

Unless your income is so disposable that you can throw it around the mall like free pamplets on the street you probably shouldn’t worry about what walking billboards you wear.

Just as my Harvard t-shirt look was a blatant lie about who I am and what I’ve accomplished, so is your overextended lifestyle or whatever else it is you’re pretending to be. We’ve all done it, we all do it, but you’re worth more then this and deep down you know it. So go change it your Abercrombie shirt and start being who you really are.

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In this post I am going to dive deeper into differentiating between a need and want and how to start the experience of a Crap Detox.

Dealbreakers

Everybody has the things they believe they need, which really have nothing to do with survival (stilettos, video games, liquor, fancy cell phones). That’s what makes them a want and not a need, right?

Depending on your current financials, the flexibility of this need/want line can differ. But the idea of CD is to remove yourself from feeling like any want is a need, and we will do that by temporarily taking away all but a few, regardless of your income.

To Start:

1. Get a pen, some paper and on one side start writing down EVERYTHING you purchase that if you couldn’t tomorrow you would still be healthy and alive. If you’re not sure, add it anyway, it probably counts; break it down to the bare minimum - you get the point.

(Don’t forget to include: beauty regimes, entertainment, coffee, clothes, expensive food, your expensive car payment, domestic services, bottled water, gum, weed, cigarettes, music, books, apartment in a high cost area, etc etc.)

When you have exhausted your energy and can’t think of anything else, step back and take a look at your list. (If you’ve been honest with yourself then it is probably long.) If you do not believe it is complete, go hunt down your last few months of credit/debit card statements and riffle through them. Add charges that you did not think of.

Ask yourself if each cash withdrawal went to a worthy purchase. Do you even remember where you spent it all?

2. Next flip the sheet over and start writing down all the things that truly mean a lot to you. All the things you dream about but don’t do because of the two most popular reasons: Time and Money.

(If you have other reasons, bring it up in the comments, so I might address them later!)

For me it was: travel Europe, start a writing career, get a puppy, see friends more, take dance lessons, get a masters degree, learn piano, have a backyard, learn karate, sleep late.

Look back at your list of crap. (Because that’s what it is!)

That list is what is keeping you from the time and money to get to those things that really matter to you.

It’s not your job, kids or other responsibilities; you can acquire the wants you really need!

3. Start deciding the easiest things to scratch off your crap list. The small things you could stop buying tomorrow (we’ll deal with big things like a car later). Run a big line through them. During this detox you are not going to purchase any of them and if you have a partner, share this with them.

Better yet, have them do it with you.

Now calculate what is 10% of your monthly salary (after taxes), consider what on your list is most important for you to have, then accomodate your wants into that monthly allowance. You can spend it how you want, but don’t reach beyond it.

This is a test to show you your relationship with things. For me it was bi-monthly haircuts, fresh fruit and eyebrow threading. This process starts to make your really get the effect of perceived importance, and how to eliminate it.

The next few days, watch how often you instinctually whip out your wallet to spend. Refer to the list as a reminder. Let the experience of this all simmer and soak in. The first few months can be the hardest, but also the most enlightening. Become conscious of your urge to spend, how quickly the dollars will dissipate. Resist, desist and maintain self control. In the end you’ll be so incredibly thankful.

When you feel weak, refer back to your list for what really matters; your dreams will get you through it.

Part 3: Falling Off The Wagon

If you want to go through a Crap Detox with the rest of us, subscribe here for updates and next steps. Hey at least try it; you’ve gotten nothing to lose but lotsa crap.

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I haven’t been watching too much of “The Big Give” but I did catch the first one and the beginning of the second last night while skimming through my bloated DVR.

The only comment I have to make (and let’s face it, there are many to be had) is on the veteran’s they featured on both episodes.

Putting the facts on paper and when not dissecting it any further: they both went to war, fought, came back disabled and now they are struggling to survive because of it.

In swoops the reality show to save the day.

Let me get this straight -

A man goes off to war for a country and when returning to said country it’s the responsibility of luck and a reality show to help put his (government caused) mangled life back together?

Shouldn’t situations like this be in the hands of the government that sent him there in the first place?

Why isn’t anyone questioning the existence of this need in the first place?

Why did no one on the show call out the poor planning and assistance he has not received?

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The funny thing about stuff is that once you’ve gone long enough without acquiring more of it, you stop wanting any of it.

Ever since I’ve freed myself from American consumerism, I’ve noticed the feeling of freedom increases with each day. Like any other addiction the more you feed it the more you crave it or the farther you are from it, the more you wonder why you ever needed it. A year ago I would never have guessed the huge release it would bring. My wish list was excessive, as is the majority of Americans, and it was one of the causes of my stress and unhappiness.

Freeing me has changed my life.

When we are consumed by what we don’t have or what we’re looking to attain, it keeps us from acknowledging what is already around us.

It causes self-inflicting burdens such as social status, debt and insecurity. (click on the link to find out why)

The initial withdrawal from consumerism is not easy, but it also happens to be one of the best changes you could make for yourself, the people you love, and your future. It’s the ultimate MakeItBetter.

It takes time and can’t be accomplished through one-stop advice. It needs to be implemented and fought every day until you removed the chains and escaped the addiction. And I’m here to be your sponsor.

I challenge YOU, yes you reading this right now, to start a Crap Detox (CD).

Why? Here’s a list of reasons:

1. You’ll get out of debt (easier & faster)
2. You’ll actually stay out of debt
3. You’ll probably lose weight and improve your health
4. You’ll be able to save for your retirement
5. You’ll be better prepared for our current economic climate
6. You’ll actually be showing your children the value of people, not things
7. You’ll appreciate more
8. You’ll find more gratitude and generosity
9. You’ll be happier
10. You’ll be an inspiration to those around you
11. You’ll set your children up for a better financial future
12. You’ll feel more secure
13. You’ll have more self esteem
14. You’ll realize most “rich” people around you are actually insecure people with a lot of credit card debt
15. You’ll take more risk because you’ll have a better hold on your finances
16. You’ll have more confidence & self respect
17. The best things in life are free, remember?
18. You’ll appreciate more of the “stuff” you have and “stuff” you do get
19. You’ll stop with the clutter already
20. You’ll stop fighting with your partner over money
21. You’ll stop spoiling your kids and make them more self reliant
22. You’ll find more joy in life because it won’t come from things
23. You’ll stress less
24. You’ll be able to afford things that really matter to you
25. It’s worth every minute of it

Getting Started:

Depending on your spending habits and expenses this will vary but basically anyone can start this process today.

1. Access your financial situation. If you don’t already have a hold on your finances then you’ll need to outline all your necessary expenses and start differentiating between a need (food) and a want (lobster). With this step you’ll fully grasp how much you consume as a requirement of life and how much of it really just overcompensates as retail therapy.

For more details on this go here, here, here and here.

Read about money and happiness also: here, here, here and here.

The idea isn’t to focus just on extravagant purchases, it’s everything. From that $2.35 pen to the booze you throw down for on Saturday night.

Now, I am NO miser, and I don’t expect you to be either. This isn’t about living without; it’s about living the best life you can, without the weight that comes with the consumerist lifestyle of our culture. It’s about using your money to get you everything you REALLY want, not what you’re made to feel you need to be happy.

It’s about making the “stuff” in your life better; the best it can possibly be.

Here are parts  2, 3, 4 and 5

If you want to go through a Crap Detox with the rest of us, subscribe here for updates and next steps. Hey at least try it; you’ve gotten nothing to lose but crap.

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I was clipping coupons the other night and came across one for Dove.

It had a woman in her underwear, obviously a “real” woman because she was average looking and had the smallest belly roll and it seemed so gimmicky to me.

Dove’s marketing position is to appeal to real women who wanted to be represented in the media. Or to women who are tired of being sold the mass media’s underweight, blonde, perfect version of sexy. Or to insecure women who feel good supporting a brand that ‘makes them feel good about being normal’.

It was all too contrived for me.

The model was pretty enough for print, still thinner then the average woman and the entire text was a branding of how much Dove cares.

And that’s why I did not buy it.

Marketing is mostly about showing and telling the world what they want you to think of them. It’s all about image, not authenticity. This promotion of real beauty isn’t a genuine reflection of their stance on the media’s representation of women.

If it really mattered they would start using real images and real people everyday, all the time.

So when Dove slaps these campaigns all over the place, they are saying they care much more about you liking them and their positioning in the marketplace then they are about making us feel better. These efforts are mostly to sell a brand’s image and therefore a product.

If they wanted to change society they would just do it.

Yes perhaps some executives over at Dove actually want us to get some self esteem and share it with our daughters, but the next time you weigh the merit of a good intention, first consider what’s in it for them, then consider whether or not they would’ve done it if no one was looking.

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This post is about how to overcome your own biases and judgment of other groups, individuals and ideas. This isn’t just about race or religion, it’s about the skater, the prep, the Louis Vuitton carrying coworker - anyone or anything we negate because of previously held beliefs.

This process worked for me, I hope it works for you.

First figure out where you stand:

1. If you’re aware of your biases and you no longer delude yourself in believing that they don’t exist, therefore you are already past the huge hurdle that first comes with acceptance.

2. If you question whether you have them, your inconclusive position proves they exist.

3. If you legitimately believe that your race, religion, style etc is above all others, well you probably need more help then a blog post could provide.

4. If you are adamant that you are already an unbiased soul, then keep reading anyway and share in the comments.

Which one are you?

Now try this:

1. Admit it.

If you haven’t admitted it yet, you need to before moving on the step two. It doesn’t have to be publicly posted, but you need to acknowledge what you want to change before you can make any really progress.

2. It’s just your perception.

We only perceive things based on what we’ve been taught to believe. Looking outside the box that you’ve placed others in allows you to see the narrow plane in your own perspective. Perhaps with some exploration, information will bring new insight.

3. Spend time with what you fear.

Ultimately racism comes from past experiences, environmental influences and the media’s representation of cultural groups. When you want to overcome a dislike or fear of something the best thing to do is face it. The same goes with a bias. You need to replace the things you learned with real life connection and personal observation.

You aren’t born hating Mexicans, you probably just don’t know any.

4. Experience authentic culture.

The local Chinese place doesn’t really offer the bona fide taste of the old country. Read some literature on the history of the culture you are resistant to, head to a local neighborhood with some friends, and eat cuisine prepared true to the culture’s history. Go to a gay bar and have dinner with some transvestites. You still might not be into trannies, but you’ll be less inclined to judge them as so.

5. Focus on similarities not differences.

Once you’ve found yourself in a situation where you can explore a relationship with someone you would otherwise reject, try to look past what makes you different and find what makes you the same. What makes us the same is far greater then what makes us different. Get to know them for who they are as a person; not a dork, rich girl, or Jew.

6. Let your guard down.

There is always the fear that others will judge and reject you, but don’t let that hinder you from edging your way into opening up. The more you let your guard down the more they will too, and with that an authentic connection will be made. From there the differences that once divided you will become characteristics and beautiful qualities of your new friend.

There’s a distinct line between being biased and wanting to eradicate an entire group of people, but still, as the song goes, we’re all a little bit racist.

We just don’t have to be.

Related posts:

Apparently I’m a Racist
Ghetto Houseguest

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The three year old I baby-sit called out my name, distressed about something.

She was peering down at a small spider and looked up at me, scared, asking what we should do.

I told her that all living creatures have souls and contribute and that spiders like that can’t hurt us, so perhaps we should leave it alone?

My answer must’ve appeased her as she smiled slightly, nodded, and headed back to her playroom in agreement.

I marveled at the simplicity of it; how easily empathy can be taught.

How easy it is to accept what we are afraid of when we just try to understand it.

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