Just MakeItBetter

This will be the last post in The Ultimate Crap Detox series. I hope this process has helped even one person reevaluate their relationship with money and things. I hope it helps many others too.

Here are parts 1, 2, 3, and 4 for those of you who are interested in participating.

It’s been almost two years since I went through my own crap detox. I remember how difficult it was and how much I believed I would feel down forever. Now, like most hard times, I am thankful for having gone through it.

Life is so much better without consumerism (unconsciously) plaguing me.

Settled in on the other side, here’s what I’ve learned so far:

1. I Love Stuff

Things can never bring true happiness. They can’t prove love. They can’t fulfill or define, but they sure can add that cherry on top. Material possessions can enhance your life. Just because I don’t need to buy things, doesn’t mean I still don’t freak out over an adorable sun dress.

2. Quantity Is Meaningless.

These are a few of my favorite things: nice cards, great books, big TV’s, Kate Spade, pretty packaging, nifty containers, yummy smells, a good stylist, talented chefs, natural foods, BCBG, cashmere, anything pink, comfy couches, amazing patisseries.

I am no rich girl (yet) but I have a lot more money then the average person. It’s only because I stopped spending it. Sometimes, just because I love it, I’ll have dinner at an expensive restaurant or buy an overpriced, but exquisite item.

I always longed for certain experiences and luxuries, but because I don’t squander my money on the compulsive need to consume, I can actually afford some of them. Now I can have what I no longer need, but still want.

3. Resourceful meets Thoughtful.

When holidays and other times of gifting come around, I now see how arbitrary these situations can be. Gifting was always one of my favorite things, but the expense of forced thoughtfulness had taken its luster.

Outside of the consumerist bubble I see just how generic holidays can be. With frugality, resourcefulness sets in and the real effort starts. Not using cash to fix the gift quandary allows for sincerity to breathe through.

4. Oh Gluttony.

Before my crap detox I didn’t see how other parts of my life were overindulgent too. I can now see and detox them with greater ease.

For example:

I’ve always loved sweets and I always knew I gave into my cravings more than a nutritionist would allow. It wasn’t until recently that I started noticing how unnecessary it really was. I ate too much of it and was not really enjoying it. It was soothing something else, and it wasn’t my sweet tooth.

It was enough for me to start paying closer attention.

I want to thoroughly enjoy every minute here and that includes my time with cake.

Well, that’s it for now.

I hope this journey has been good to you. Continue it and you’ll forever be grateful for it. Subscribe here if you ever need a pick-me-up.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Now that you're acquainted, subscribe to my feed! Thanks for visiting, commenting and coming back ;)

Popularity: 6% [?]

This is Part 3 of The Ultimate Crap Detox, which I hope everyone is participating in because nothing is as liberating as freeing yourself from consumerism.

If you haven’t started, please refer here and here to catch up.

This post is easier to cover, but it is still one of the most difficult parts of CD.

As you go along, limiting your purchases and starting the withdrawal process, you may notice that you’ll have an intense desire to spend.Now this may actually be an increased need to spend, it may also just be your minds reaction to not receiving its regular retail fix or it could just be your heightened awareness to how much you do crave obtaining things.

No matter what, it can be difficult to ignore.

During these circumstances you may find you’ll give in to the urge and make a purchase you know isn’t on the detox menu.

Don’t worry it doesn’t really matter.

I know that may sound odd considering the purpose of this experiment, but by falling off the wagon you now have a wonderful opportunity to further explore yourself and your relationship with money and things.

Consider any of the following:

1. How were you feeling when you made the purchase? Ask yourself if these instincts you’re giving in too are emotion based. As in, were you upset about something and it was a form of self-soothing?
2. Was it done out of laziness? Think about whether you were taking the easy way out of a situation. As in, you didn’t want to schlep to the .99 store and stay on budget?
3. Were you rationalizing a want to be a need to fulfill another purpose? Often times this has to be with inflating our ego and the image we care about keeping up. As in, the dress you had to buy for the party (even though with some effort you really have acceptable - but not new - things in your closet already).

You may find there are other reasons for why you relented to spend, so connect with yourself on what those were. Don’t waste your time with self-deprecation though, that only holds you back. If you really want to succeed at this, a bad attitude is not going to help, so get over your mistakes and trudge onward. If you learn from it now, you’ll see it coming next time and won’t fall for your minds unconscious little tricks.

Falling off the wagon hurts, but after a few times the ride will be so easy you might as well be pulling it yourself.

I’d love to hear about anyone’s experience with CD and/or your own consumerism detox story. Leave a comment or send me an email: makeitbetterblog AT gmail DOT com.

For other ideas that might change your life, subscribe here!

Popularity: 5% [?]

I once pretended that I went to Harvard.

It all started unintentionally when I purchased a cute, pink Harvard t-shirt in Boston while visiting a friend. It fit me well and after a few wears I started to notice that people automatically assumed I went there and treated me differently because of it. I entertained their assumptions often playing along; mostly because it was egotistical and I was twenty and dumb.

As a culture we judge each other based on appearances and we represent ourselves not as who we are, but what we’d like others to think we are.

Hence my Harvard t-shirt spectacle.

This phony behavior often leads to disconnected and equally as phony relationships. If I went around telling new friends I really went to Harvard, that was a big mound of bullshit I would have to keep up or else risk looking like a dishonest loser.

The upkeep of our image will always hold us back.

Anyone can head down to Canal Street and pick up a fake designer bag. They can’t afford the real one and if even if they could they still feel compelled to make sure that everyone around believes they are affluent and important.

If it was about the quality and design of the product, fake would not do and neither would the generic looking ones you find under sheets in the back of a store front.

Most “rich” people in this country are merely average people with too much debt and too little self esteem. They’re worried about what the community will think and their label emblazoned lifestyle supports that. Clothes, products, educations, cars are being used as mantel piece status symbols. Kids are still in costly activities while parents refinance a mortgage to cover credit card debt. Even many well-to-do families exceed their limitations, because the image race never ends until you say so.

Unless your income is so disposable that you can throw it around the mall like free pamplets on the street you probably shouldn’t worry about what walking billboards you wear.

Just as my Harvard t-shirt look was a blatant lie about who I am and what I’ve accomplished, so is your overextended lifestyle or whatever else it is you’re pretending to be. We’ve all done it, we all do it, but you’re worth more then this and deep down you know it. So go change it your Abercrombie shirt and start being who you really are.

Subscribe.

Popularity: 5% [?]

In this post I am going to dive deeper into differentiating between a need and want and how to start the experience of a Crap Detox.

Dealbreakers

Everybody has the things they believe they need, which really have nothing to do with survival (stilettos, video games, liquor, fancy cell phones). That’s what makes them a want and not a need, right?

Depending on your current financials, the flexibility of this need/want line can differ. But the idea of CD is to remove yourself from feeling like any want is a need, and we will do that by temporarily taking away all but a few, regardless of your income.

To Start:

1. Get a pen, some paper and on one side start writing down EVERYTHING you purchase that if you couldn’t tomorrow you would still be healthy and alive. If you’re not sure, add it anyway, it probably counts; break it down to the bare minimum - you get the point.

(Don’t forget to include: beauty regimes, entertainment, coffee, clothes, expensive food, your expensive car payment, domestic services, bottled water, gum, weed, cigarettes, music, books, apartment in a high cost area, etc etc.)

When you have exhausted your energy and can’t think of anything else, step back and take a look at your list. (If you’ve been honest with yourself then it is probably long.) If you do not believe it is complete, go hunt down your last few months of credit/debit card statements and riffle through them. Add charges that you did not think of.

Ask yourself if each cash withdrawal went to a worthy purchase. Do you even remember where you spent it all?

2. Next flip the sheet over and start writing down all the things that truly mean a lot to you. All the things you dream about but don’t do because of the two most popular reasons: Time and Money.

(If you have other reasons, bring it up in the comments, so I might address them later!)

For me it was: travel Europe, start a writing career, get a puppy, see friends more, take dance lessons, get a masters degree, learn piano, have a backyard, learn karate, sleep late.

Look back at your list of crap. (Because that’s what it is!)

That list is what is keeping you from the time and money to get to those things that really matter to you.

It’s not your job, kids or other responsibilities; you can acquire the wants you really need!

3. Start deciding the easiest things to scratch off your crap list. The small things you could stop buying tomorrow (we’ll deal with big things like a car later). Run a big line through them. During this detox you are not going to purchase any of them and if you have a partner, share this with them.

Better yet, have them do it with you.

Now calculate what is 10% of your monthly salary (after taxes), consider what on your list is most important for you to have, then accomodate your wants into that monthly allowance. You can spend it how you want, but don’t reach beyond it.

This is a test to show you your relationship with things. For me it was bi-monthly haircuts, fresh fruit and eyebrow threading. This process starts to make your really get the effect of perceived importance, and how to eliminate it.

The next few days, watch how often you instinctually whip out your wallet to spend. Refer to the list as a reminder. Let the experience of this all simmer and soak in. The first few months can be the hardest, but also the most enlightening. Become conscious of your urge to spend, how quickly the dollars will dissipate. Resist, desist and maintain self control. In the end you’ll be so incredibly thankful.

When you feel weak, refer back to your list for what really matters; your dreams will get you through it.

Part 3: Falling Off The Wagon

If you want to go through a Crap Detox with the rest of us, subscribe here for updates and next steps. Hey at least try it; you’ve gotten nothing to lose but lotsa crap.

Popularity: 5% [?]

The funny thing about stuff is that once you’ve gone long enough without acquiring more of it, you stop wanting any of it.

Ever since I’ve freed myself from American consumerism, I’ve noticed the feeling of freedom increases with each day. Like any other addiction the more you feed it the more you crave it or the farther you are from it, the more you wonder why you ever needed it. A year ago I would never have guessed the huge release it would bring. My wish list was excessive, as is the majority of Americans, and it was one of the causes of my stress and unhappiness.

Freeing me has changed my life.

When we are consumed by what we don’t have or what we’re looking to attain, it keeps us from acknowledging what is already around us.

It causes self-inflicting burdens such as social status, debt and insecurity. (click on the link to find out why)

The initial withdrawal from consumerism is not easy, but it also happens to be one of the best changes you could make for yourself, the people you love, and your future. It’s the ultimate MakeItBetter.

It takes time and can’t be accomplished through one-stop advice. It needs to be implemented and fought every day until you removed the chains and escaped the addiction. And I’m here to be your sponsor.

I challenge YOU, yes you reading this right now, to start a Crap Detox (CD).

Why? Here’s a list of reasons:

1. You’ll get out of debt (easier & faster)
2. You’ll actually stay out of debt
3. You’ll probably lose weight and improve your health
4. You’ll be able to save for your retirement
5. You’ll be better prepared for our current economic climate
6. You’ll actually be showing your children the value of people, not things
7. You’ll appreciate more
8. You’ll find more gratitude and generosity
9. You’ll be happier
10. You’ll be an inspiration to those around you
11. You’ll set your children up for a better financial future
12. You’ll feel more secure
13. You’ll have more self esteem
14. You’ll realize most “rich” people around you are actually insecure people with a lot of credit card debt
15. You’ll take more risk because you’ll have a better hold on your finances
16. You’ll have more confidence & self respect
17. The best things in life are free, remember?
18. You’ll appreciate more of the “stuff” you have and “stuff” you do get
19. You’ll stop with the clutter already
20. You’ll stop fighting with your partner over money
21. You’ll stop spoiling your kids and make them more self reliant
22. You’ll find more joy in life because it won’t come from things
23. You’ll stress less
24. You’ll be able to afford things that really matter to you
25. It’s worth every minute of it

Getting Started:

Depending on your spending habits and expenses this will vary but basically anyone can start this process today.

1. Access your financial situation. If you don’t already have a hold on your finances then you’ll need to outline all your necessary expenses and start differentiating between a need (food) and a want (lobster). With this step you’ll fully grasp how much you consume as a requirement of life and how much of it really just overcompensates as retail therapy.

For more details on this go here, here, here and here.

Read about money and happiness also: here, here, here and here.

The idea isn’t to focus just on extravagant purchases, it’s everything. From that $2.35 pen to the booze you throw down for on Saturday night.

Now, I am NO miser, and I don’t expect you to be either. This isn’t about living without; it’s about living the best life you can, without the weight that comes with the consumerist lifestyle of our culture. It’s about using your money to get you everything you REALLY want, not what you’re made to feel you need to be happy.

It’s about making the “stuff” in your life better; the best it can possibly be.

Here are parts  2, 3, 4 and 5

If you want to go through a Crap Detox with the rest of us, subscribe here for updates and next steps. Hey at least try it; you’ve gotten nothing to lose but crap.

Popularity: 9% [?]

When people ask me where I live I often tell them Little Korea.

Technically NY doesn’t really have one of those, but since I happen to live in a predominantly Korean neighborhood I like to refer to it that way. I moved in without any real attention to the surroundings. I was in desperate need of a new apartment and the only things I cared about were: 1) safe 2) convenient to the highway. I’ve lived here for slightly over two years and besides remnants from the old life, I’m one of the few non-Asians in my surrounding blocks. Next to the McDonald’s around the block there is an Asian Market filled with Korean signs and fish so fresh its practically just been pulled right off the boat. For most people here English is not their first language (sometimes not at all) and their cultural influences are more Korean than American. Despite these obstacles, we communicate without too much confusion.

Some people appear uncomfortable when I describe my home as Little Korea. It’s almost as though they find it inappropriate, even racist. Personally, I find that it’s their discomfort that is innappropriate and besides it’s a rather accurate description.

In today’s world it is hard for many to differentiate between prejudice and acknowledgement or opinion. My nickname for my home is not a reflection of its worth, nor a defamation of its people. Those that find it offensive are the very people that are prejudice against that which contrasts from their cultural and religious norms.

When someone whispers “he’s black”, “she’s gay”, “the Puerto Rican guy” that is about our own racism, not everyone else around them. Why would you hide something unless you felt it was in some way unfavorable? Isn’t a persons race, religion, creed, sexual orientation a form of character and/or description, just as tall or short, brown eyes or blue? The negative connotation that comes with being black is derivative only in our own view of the words used. Being homosexual only means something bad when we choose to speak it as so. The discomfort society has in acknowledging our differences is the very thing that keeps us from achieving a world where we could stand together as a human race. We are different and that is exactly what makes us beautiful. As soon as we give up this stupid fight for us all to be the same we can start embracing the unique magnificence within each others culture.

Now that would be such a wonderful world!

If you enjoyed this, then subscribe here.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Since I am a heterosexual female this post will be written from that perspective, but I urge you, regardless of your orientation, to consider where your life may fit into it. 

If I were single now, I would surely be a cheap date.

I wasn’t always a woman who didn’t have high romantic demands.  I had a relationship that was luxurious, at least for me and my poor college girl lifestyle. He was all the things a woman is supposed to want, I suppose.  He’d bring the flowers and candies. The fancy dinners and holidays were always filled with material abundance.  He was a kind man, but I never loved him.  I was young and inexperienced and he adored me.  I was insecure and not mature enough to realize that’s why I told him I loved him back.  He came off as the world’s greatest catch, but I never let on how “uncatchable” he was when he wasn’t buying my affections.  My interest wasn’t about him, it was about the way he treated me and what he gave me. Things I couldn’t give myself at the time; stuff and love.

After I grew the strength to leave, I walked away guilt ridden, confused and ashamed.

Since then, the reflection on those lessons have given me the greatest understanding of love and happiness in a relationship. I can tell you it has nothing to do with things. Not a thing. When a holiday comes around I don’t have expectations for some grande gesture of my lover’s affections. He displays them everyday; in his kindness, sincerity and appreciation. He proves his love for me not through expensive items or overcompensating bouquets, but by encouraging my independence and self expression. Our love is not measured by the size of a ring he’s willing to go into debt for, instead I choose to express mine by releasing that societal pressure off of him.

I love a wonderful night out, dressed to kill, with an expensive dinner bill. But I love him more.

Love that is truly unconditional has no bank book. A man and a woman find success is their excess of each other, rich or poor. There’s no need for someone’s attraction to be built off the distractions of todays romantic ideals. In the beginning the flashy things just cloud perspective, holding you back from the reality of a potential match.  Step back and consider it next time you take someone out on a date. A long walk lets you know how much you like them much more clearly than the buzz of a bar and a beer.   

Consider this: if you could take it all away, every bit of indulgence, every benefit, would you still love your mate/date? Are they just enough? Are you just enough? If no, then get away from that horrible place, stand up and leave, for love is only love when it is authentic.  All Relationships are meant to bring you joy, but with true love, the sincerest pleasure will come from the simplest things.  Just believe you deserve it and will find it.

That is, only with great expectations.  

If you enjoyed this and would like more, subscribe here.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Since there has recently been news of a scientific link between materialism and self-esteem and it seems as though all of us are in some way affected by this overwhelming burden, I wanted to share some of my experience in obtaining freedom from things (it sure is a great place to be). My hope is that it will challenge you to look within yourself and see how materialism affects your own life, relationships and happiness.

Once out of college I was a part time employee searching for a good job, while living on my own in New York City. Needless to say the search did not go as planned and when I finally found a job I accepted its indecency despite my tribulations. By this time, I was already in thousands of dollars of credit card debt. I had bills to pay and in trying to maintain the miniscule lifestyle I had I’d quickly swiped more often then I could handle. I hadn’t realized how easily I created this and was in over my head. My new job left a lot to be desired and one of my bi-weekly paychecks barely paid my rent. I had always made comments about being “broke”, about “never having any money” (as it seems many young, urban twenty-somethings always do) but I had never experienced something like this, where a $6 manicure had to be chosen over fresh fruit, when cutting my hair was an expensive luxury and pasta a great necessity. It wasn’t about paying for the dinner out; it was about affording any dinner. Initially I took to this rather poorly. I bitched, I moaned, I cried and whined my way through the first few months. Much like the illicit drug it had become I went through withdrawal. When the consumerism itch wore off my perception changed and I started noticing the abundance I had in my life.

Given that I could no longer purchase new clothes I started to rake through the remnants of my previous life and found new adventurous ways to wear things. I had always wanted something new or better, but when I stopped searching I found just that crumbled in the back of my closet. Clearly, I had issues because as I could no longer identify with purchases and dinners out I couldn’t identify with much. The consumerist detox that correlated with my new entry-level lifestyle brought my self awareness to heights otherwise reached before. All the time I now spent with friends consisted of homebrewed coffee in my kitchen rather then nightclubs and trendy eateries. This was a valuable lesson because without the entertainment of externalities I learned how little I had in common with many of them. Real friends became apparent, those that were supportive and understanding accepted my new choices. Unfortunately, most were surprisingly judgmental and snobbish. Instead of focusing on the negative, I committed myself to paying off my credit cards. I used my irritation with the situation as a catalyst to succeed. I worked full time during the week and kept my Saturday mornings at a local gym where I not only got paid but also received a free membership. I started babysitting for a local family on the weekends, never saying no regardless of how I felt. Turning frugality into a challenging game gave me the initiative to seek out better and more insightful ways to budget. I’d clip coupons, read blogs, prepare all my food – anything that helped me to pay off my debt. Within seven months I’d paid off almost $4,000 in debt on a $30,000 a year salary while working and living in New York City. The joy I felt in achieving that goal was unlike any other I’d had.

I had always longed for things, stuff and other unnecessary crap but I never realized how all this wanting took away from how much I had. In my time of economic downturn I was given a wonderful lesson in gratitude, changing me forever. The genetic lottery of this world has allowed me great opportunities and I’m sometimes overcome by my previous insidiousness. I will never be poor again and I see now that have always been rich. Rich with loving relationships, self acceptance, abundant education and endless opportunity. Now I hold it all dear, close to my heart, blessed just to be free, loved and alive.

To free yourself from consumerism, do a Crap Detox.

For more subscribe here.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Many women today often plan on marrying someone wealthy and if they don’t they plan on having him take control of their financial future. I can relate to the bratty attitude in wanting to chuck it all and find someone to just take care of me while I live the good life with all the other botoxed housewives. It would be impossible to grow up in todays society and not be affected by the reassurance that a nice ass will get you the home you’ve always dreamed off (let alone the limitations the media’s feminine role models portray for those of us dreaming of partnered independence). Unfortunately though, a man is not the financial plan your Charles Schwab advisor will want for you, and neither should you.

Incorporating financial planning into a lifestyle is not as difficult as you may believe. There are many resources available that explain concepts clearly and can incorporate some excitement in them so you’re enthusiastic about the possibilities you can make for yourself.

Some resources that I’ve found to be quite informative are:

Books:

David Bach The Millionaire Next Door

Although his style of writing may not excite you, the simple math exemplified in other people’s investment might make you reconsider your “latte” purchase long enough to sign up for that 401K.

Suzi Orman

There are numerous titles to choose from and you can catch her on CNBC Saturday 8:00 PM

If her harsh words and stringent attitude doesn’t make you cringe, her personal wardrobe choices might. Nevertheless, she’s a powerhouse of financial knowledge that is easy to grasp and even if you can’t get past the character display, watch a few times and you’ll be entertained while learning something.

Blogs:

The Simple Dollar

Trent writes about investments and frugality while incorporating his own money catastrophes and experiences. His simple two cents will help encourage you to make better choices, purchases and lifestyles changes. Don’t expect him to understand your need for anything pretty, but you will be able to get some great pointers on how to save up for it along the way.

I Will Teach You to be Rich

This is a meatier site for those who’ve graduated from learning simpler investments and other small money matters. Ramit definitely knows what he is talking about and sometimes his ego seems to get in the way, but he’ll challenge you if you let him.

Get Rich Slowly

This blog is one of the best in the niche. With clear, concise and fluid writing J.D allows the reader to be informed while still feeling connected. His realistic perspectives keep cynicism at bay while mandating a clear understanding between cheap and frugal. This balance gives strong, intelligent and sophisticated people the advice and knowledge they need to make decisions for themselves without being overwhelming.

Although the list is rather short this isn’t a financial blog and my intention is to give you the incentive you may need to take interest in your future. Besides, just checking out any of these sites will give you direction on where to head further for additional resources.

No matter what age you are your finances are your problem, whether or not you’re married or even working your future is still in your hands alone. Incidents can occur that can render you spouseless and feeling like it can’t happen to you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare wisely. Know where your family’s investments, debts and expenses are and create separate divisions for yourself as well. Self education also means you could contribute opportunities and ideas that were otherwise overlooked. The earlier you start the more freedom you will have once the chains of life (mortgage, status symbol BMW) start weighing down and prohibiting you.

It’s exciting to have control over your income and it’s even more thrilling to watch it grow, much more then any new purchase - you’ll see.

For more Makeitbetter subscribe here.

Popularity: 3% [?]