Just MakeItBetter

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Years and years ago man was only concerned with his survival.

His day to day consisted of clubbing wild beasts and avoiding being eaten. He wasn’t intellectually advanced enough to know the impact he could make on this world. Man’s purpose was simply to be for as long as he could. It was with evolution and developing societies that we become aware of our own mortality. And with this mortality came an unjust fear of the unknown.

What was to come upon our deaths, and with that, what stamp could we make for ourself while our short existence ran its course?

If even today we settled into survival alone (as many still do), the simplicity of our lives would most likely bring us happiness we’d only dreamed of. It is our obsessions with “perfection” and “success” that takes away from our human experience. These ideas of what we should be hang over our heads like unreachable meat to a starving animal. We are plagued by them and we will die wishing to obtain them.

It is our awareness of our impending demise that leads us to wish for a remarkable life. Shouldn’t knowing that we have this great opportunity be enough to appreciate it?

Doesn’t that alone make it remarkable?

We live in a time when we could (literally) be whomever and whatever we choose to be because our society has become so wonderful that we can become prosperous doing things we love. Our basic needs can be supplied with much less work and more efficiency than our ancestors could have ever known. Yet, still we squander resources and whine about circumstance.

Knowing the limitation time brings us shouldn’t create fears of mediocrity and failure, it should further illustrate the gift of life. To exist and know of it is our most valued treasure.

Evolution was a such a thoughtful present. It gave humans mortality. Perhaps it is best we honor every moment of it.

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psst - Have you stimulated someone else today?

photo by Emuisphere Peliculas

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Here are many ways to decide how to be a woman:

• Daughter.
• Powerful.
• Lover.
• Worker.
• Pretty.
• Strong.
• Dynamic.
• Mother.
• Creator.
• Wife.
• Classy.
• Risk-taker.

Years ago in American society, what it meant to be a woman was decided by men and society.

Older society members would dictate how a woman was supposed to act, how she looked, what she did and who she became. Typically instituted by men, limitations and boundaries were set to reinforce the era’s model representation.

Women were never free to express their femininity on their own terms.

Our society might seem like it has its grasp on female freedom, but that’s only instilled in those who allow fear to hold them back. A phenomenal woman doesn’t allow social pressure and expectation to keep her from accomplishing her dreams.  How to be a woman means to be whatever you want it to be. You can be the prude, the slut, the working mom, the smoldering sex kitten,  or a little bit of everything.

Unlike before, this is our time to define feminine perfection. However we see fit.

Start crafting.

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Our minds are designed to make us remember things we wouldn’t consciously remember otherwise.

• Facts.
• Dates.
• Information.
• Experiences.
• Etc.
  

They are stuffed inside, waiting to be excavated.

It’s incredible, really.

How the brain will do things we otherwise have no idea it is doing, but it manages to get things done for us no matter what.

Last night I watched an episode of Darren Brown. He’s a famous psychological illusionist from England and he is brilliant.

Darren taught the Joe Blow volunteer how to memorize mounds of material so he may compete in a Jeopardy-like British game show one weeks later. One week later Mr. Blow came in 2nd place.

He said it was one of the best experiences he’s ever had.

He said it was something he would have never tried nor had he believed he’d be able to do anything like it.

With the thrill of the show and with a master like Darren Brown’s support, this average man accomplished an incredibly task he wouldn’t have conceived of doing weeks before.

Shit.

Imagine what you could do.

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I truly dislike my job.

Like many Americans, it drains me of all my energy, leaving me empty and unfulfilled. I wake up and feel like I am showering with shackles. Facing the day with an invisible burden.

I’ve read the advice. Often scouring the Internet for some ingenious insights. I’ve blamed myself, my youth, and my grip on the past. I cried self-pityingly, disturbed by myself.

Over time I came to accept the structure, the corporate crap, the rules, the industry, the lack of ingenuity. I found peace with my situation. Battling my distaste wasn’t giving me anything but stomach cramps.

Despite this, each morning I still carry gratuitous weight. The knowing inside me that this just isn’t for me. That it’s just wrong.

Sometimes acceptance is the one thing we need to find, but sometimes all we really need is to accept what is true for us. That this (whatever it may be) just isn’t what we want.

Listen to your instincts, sometimes you don’t need to accept the situation. You just need to get the fuck out of it.

Now go read someone else’s stuff.

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Imagine you’re in the woods. You know where you want to head you just need to keep walking. You’re peaceful, just traveling on the path towards your destination.

After some time you come upon a massive tree stump in your way.

At this point you have a few options:

1. Get dirty, sweaty and possibly hurt yourself trying to climb over it.
2. Wander off the path you were on and find an alternative route.
3. Turn around.
4. Get upset, feel defeated, give up and die.

‘Tis life baby.

What kind of choices do you make?
What do these choices represent in you?

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“In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

- Michelangleo

Looking back, I often notice how far I’ve come. Sometimes it’s accidental changes or successes. Things that just wandered into my life and I was faced to deal with them. Sometimes I created the circumstances. Either way, while experiencing these things, I never considered they will be life-altering.

(Instead, I usually think they will ruin me.)

With maturity and reflection I understand they are what’s responsible for beautiful, little me.

If I didn’t face those situations head-on I wouldn’t have been able to become who I am.

You can let life’s challenges bring you down or you can pick up a chisel and find out what you’re made of.

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There’s this fabulous park a few blocks from my office.

The place also has a little dog park, it is sectioned off but I like to watch them play, burning with my puppy envy.

It’s been warm and sunny the past few days and the place was overrun during my lunch hour today.  It was glorious, basking in the sun and people watching.

But today, the wind had to blow doggy urine smell right smack into my blissful park bench.

It was dreadful and strong, whether freshly created or a remnant of other day’s play date, it was difficult to ignore.

Initially I wanted to feel annoyed. How dare that nastiness permeate my good mood! How dare some crappy thing ruin my beautiful lunch break!

Then I held my breath for a moment, told myself the stink would pass, and sure enough in a moment what once was so bad, was good again.

In life, shitty things happen, whether it’s dog piss, illness or mean people. How we deal with those bad things defines how bad they really have to be.

Sometimes if we just hold our breath and focus on the sunshine it’ll be over before we know it.

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You do not admit that it’s all your fault. 

If you’re still with me, at least allow me to explain.

I don’t really believe in the woe-is-me tale. (Especially not in this country.) Yes there are many facets to a sucky life and you may be faced with many of them, but odds are they of your own making.

There are very few situations in life when we become sad victims of circumstance. Most often they are consequences of our own choices and not external forces magically infiltrating our lives with doom and gloom.

If something in your life is amiss, it’s probably because you:

1. Created the problem
2. Don’t take action to change it
3. And/or don’t take any responsibility for your choices

Take for example the other day when I ran into the bagel store. I had parked on the street, threw a quarter in the meter and before I even decided between whole wheat and cinnamon raisin someone was writing me a ticket. The man behind the counter looked at me with pity and told me you can’t park there because of street cleaning.

Negotiating with a NY traffic cop wasn’t happening. Besides the damage was already done. I could’ve thrown out arguments (my typical route) and moaned (futile yet still typical) about my supposed travesty, but it was my own damn fault. I should’ve read the sign. 

Acknowledging the role I played in this brought peace to the negative event. It allowed me to move on quickly and in doing so I gained the lesson (read sign dumbass, don’t assume) right away.

No matter what you don’t like in life, step back and be brutally honest about the role you play in it. Consider what you can change or how to make it better. There’s almost always something.

You’re the only common denominator in all your experiences so stop denying the power your actions have and start making better choices. 

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Because there is always something…

When life is tough and you’re feeling like it is all just too much. Write down or run a list in your head of some wonderful things in your life, in the world, or just worth being happy for. Try it a few times, it actually works.

Here’s my list to get started:

1. Your Literacy
2. When the sun breaks on a rainy day
3. Healthy babies
4. Heels that don’t hurt
5. Culinary arts
6. Slippers
7. November 2008
8. Good pizza
9. Canceled meetings
10. TED Talks
11. Your mama
12. Science
13. Those who don’t give up hope
14. History makers
15. And this
16. Square footage
17. Rebels
18. Authenticity
19. The good in people
20. Talent
21. Entrepreneurs
22. Love
23. Risk takers
24. Caring innovators
25. Knowledge
26. Differentiation
27. Possibility
28. Your Life, right now.

What else would you add to the list?!

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