Just MakeItBetter

Photo by: Tony George

Over at my 84 Things to Live By post, Leimrod commented that he didn’t see how yoga is essential to life.

I suppose he has a point. Yoga’s recent travels into the westernized world has definitely poo-poohed yoga’s authenticity. There are hoards of Lululemon adorned people lugging mats to studios hoping to find divinity or at the very least, a good workout. Many of these people are just posers, bending into pretzels, feeling hip and trendy with every stretch. These components (as others) could make one wonder, as Leimrod has, why is this essential to life?

because once you remove the fads, the egocentric instructors and the foreign oddities all that is left is what life is meant to be, ready to be wrapped in your own version of perfect.

There are big ‘ol mirrors

Life can be an interesting struggle at times. Experiences can take us to places we thought we left in our past. People can bring out our worst. We can feel lost, bitter and sad.  The practice and awareness it takes to remove ourselves from these speedbumps, bad eggs and otherwise ” life lessons” is not an easy task to master.

Yoga forces physical exploration and mental stillness to collaborate. Working congruently, imbalance and distraction are one in the same. Bluntly put, it’s a place that if you choose to, will force you to face your own self (ahem, the mirror) and therefore help you get over your bullshit.

Shake it Off

Yoga forces people to practice patience (with yourself, with the child screaming outside the studio, with the endless to-do list scanning through your head). Flowing through a class helps awareness heighten and stillness find you .

And if you do it enough, you can do the same thing the next time your boss decides to splatter his or her ego all over your desk.

It’s totally weird

My favorite yoga instructor smells like petrulli oil. When she walks into the room you know she’s there. Not just from the scent that carries with her, but the undeniable calmness that comes with her presence. She’s a petite caramel colored woman from some island the British once colonized.  She has awesome, long black dreads that when hitting the wood floor drum a few melodic notes. She says things most don’t initial understand and often plays music most do not know.  She’s warm, inviting and definitely not “normal”. She is accepting and generous; a promoter of non-judgment.

Being around her is like drinking peace.

(Imagine getting to spend a few hours a week with THAT).

Move fatty

Yoga is hard. You sweat, your heart rate goes up and you’ll wake up sore. It can be difficult, but unlike the leg press there’s no grunting. Instead, you’re expected to breathe through it with a controlled and rhythmic flow. (Don’t worry - you’ll have the energy of the entire class to assist you through it.)

Working out is extremely valuable to our health. As is stretching and stress relief. Introducing yoga into a workout regime is a healthy way to balance what the human body needs.

On the mat/in life

Many instructors will say: “What happens in this room, on your yoga mat, is a reflection of what happens in your own life.”

Dropping all the flowery crap, it’s kinda true. As a practitioner, I’ll say it takes some time to really see how the two align. With each class, I am given an opportunity to move ahead, allowing myself to find new modifications, or I can continue to plateau. That decision usually parallels my decisions off the mat too.

Are you afraid of failing? Try a headstand, without the wall to support you. See how it feels to fall. See how it feels to fear a headstand. The mat is your space to do with whatever you want too.

(Kinda like your life.)

Yoga is a powerful, amazing practice that may not appear to be for everyone, yet it’s core intentions are the basic principles to a prosperous life.  I do encourage experiencing it before deciding whether it is essential to YOUR life. It can feel goofy, it can be exhausting, but oh it can be so good.

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For more reading:

Wikipedia - History of Yoga

Medicine.net’s list of health benefits

Washington Post - Yoga’s Power to Heal

Forums on how yoga impacted lives

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There’s this fabulous park a few blocks from my office.

The place also has a little dog park, it is sectioned off but I like to watch them play, burning with my puppy envy.

It’s been warm and sunny the past few days and the place was overrun during my lunch hour today.  It was glorious, basking in the sun and people watching.

But today, the wind had to blow doggy urine smell right smack into my blissful park bench.

It was dreadful and strong, whether freshly created or a remnant of other day’s play date, it was difficult to ignore.

Initially I wanted to feel annoyed. How dare that nastiness permeate my good mood! How dare some crappy thing ruin my beautiful lunch break!

Then I held my breath for a moment, told myself the stink would pass, and sure enough in a moment what once was so bad, was good again.

In life, shitty things happen, whether it’s dog piss, illness or mean people. How we deal with those bad things defines how bad they really have to be.

Sometimes if we just hold our breath and focus on the sunshine it’ll be over before we know it.

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I practice meditation rather poorly. Unless guided in a class, creating mental stillness is not my forte. So when my girl-friend mentioned Gabrielle Roth 5Rhythms class, spouting its fabulousness with enthusiasm, I figured the $20 and two hours was worth its possibilities. The class is made up of five core elements of music each opening you up to all forms of Being. You go into a room and dance with complete strangers for two hours while music is played, freeing your inhibitions and mind.

Basically, it’s dancing as a form of meditation and it was fucking awesome.

After paying, my friend and I chatted for a bit about our prospective lives, sharing a story here and there. The room was filled with waiting participants and as they stretched around me I could feel their anticipation and excitement. I was definitely overdressed, casual for work, but my Bermuda shorts and loose fitting shirt was a bit much compared to the sports bras and yoga pants around me. When you go wear lose fitting and/or workout clothes, plan to sweat a lot, and bring water.

We walked into the room; it was a bare studio with some lighting and large speakers. The music was loud and people had already started to dance, moving at their own preference and pace. I felt awkward and unsure of what to do. As I stood there thinking, I laughed at the humor of it. The whole point was for me to just be present, enjoy, move as I wanted, without a concern for judgment about  what I was supposed to do/be, yet there I was, minutes into it, thinking as usual.

That was lesson 1.

After awhile I caught the energy in the room, ignored my thoughts and started to bop along. It was contagious, the positive and joyous vibes that were bouncing around with these dancing people. It started to become so fun, I had not gone dancing in ages and I loved it. I could feel that everyone was just being himself or herself, moving as they would, not caring how they looked.

Appearances were not an issue here and no one played a role. There was no dressing to impress or sliding up on you, disrespectfully invading your space. There was no value in how you looked, how cool you danced (or didn’t). It was unbelievably freeing; welcomed to be myself.

That was lesson 2.

Throughout the night people were flopping around in some of the most awkward ways. Their bodies twirling and waving along without any real concern for westernized rhythm. Even an open minded person like myself (Hey I went didn’t I!?) was taken aback by some relaxed and “unusual” dance patterns, hairstyles and/or clothing. Looking around at the so-called oddities surrounding me, it was apparent my mind still needed some broadening, as my natural inclination was to judge. I guess that’s where fear of being judged comes from; it takes one to know one.

And lesson 3.

At the end of the night I walked out floating, it had felt like the best yoga I’d ever taken. I was sweaty, tired, and smiley. I had not spoken to anyone in almost two hours, yet shared my space and meditation with a room full of strangers. As I walked 10th avenue I noticed the popular celebrity clubs Marquee and The Pink Elephant were just steps away from where I had just left. I thought of the groups of people that would gather there that weekend, begging to be let in, to be seen, dance and rub elbows with important people.

Funny thing though, for a lot less I had done so much more. 

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For more information and how to attend:

Wikipedia

www.gabrielleroth.com

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The funny thing about stuff is that once you’ve gone long enough without acquiring more of it, you stop wanting any of it.

Ever since I’ve freed myself from American consumerism, I’ve noticed the feeling of freedom increases with each day. Like any other addiction the more you feed it the more you crave it or the farther you are from it, the more you wonder why you ever needed it. A year ago I would never have guessed the huge release it would bring. My wish list was excessive, as is the majority of Americans, and it was one of the causes of my stress and unhappiness.

Freeing me has changed my life.

When we are consumed by what we don’t have or what we’re looking to attain, it keeps us from acknowledging what is already around us.

It causes self-inflicting burdens such as social status, debt and insecurity. (click on the link to find out why)

The initial withdrawal from consumerism is not easy, but it also happens to be one of the best changes you could make for yourself, the people you love, and your future. It’s the ultimate MakeItBetter.

It takes time and can’t be accomplished through one-stop advice. It needs to be implemented and fought every day until you removed the chains and escaped the addiction. And I’m here to be your sponsor.

I challenge YOU, yes you reading this right now, to start a Crap Detox (CD).

Why? Here’s a list of reasons:

1. You’ll get out of debt (easier & faster)
2. You’ll actually stay out of debt
3. You’ll probably lose weight and improve your health
4. You’ll be able to save for your retirement
5. You’ll be better prepared for our current economic climate
6. You’ll actually be showing your children the value of people, not things
7. You’ll appreciate more
8. You’ll find more gratitude and generosity
9. You’ll be happier
10. You’ll be an inspiration to those around you
11. You’ll set your children up for a better financial future
12. You’ll feel more secure
13. You’ll have more self esteem
14. You’ll realize most “rich” people around you are actually insecure people with a lot of credit card debt
15. You’ll take more risk because you’ll have a better hold on your finances
16. You’ll have more confidence & self respect
17. The best things in life are free, remember?
18. You’ll appreciate more of the “stuff” you have and “stuff” you do get
19. You’ll stop with the clutter already
20. You’ll stop fighting with your partner over money
21. You’ll stop spoiling your kids and make them more self reliant
22. You’ll find more joy in life because it won’t come from things
23. You’ll stress less
24. You’ll be able to afford things that really matter to you
25. It’s worth every minute of it

Getting Started:

Depending on your spending habits and expenses this will vary but basically anyone can start this process today.

1. Access your financial situation. If you don’t already have a hold on your finances then you’ll need to outline all your necessary expenses and start differentiating between a need (food) and a want (lobster). With this step you’ll fully grasp how much you consume as a requirement of life and how much of it really just overcompensates as retail therapy.

For more details on this go here, here, here and here.

Read about money and happiness also: here, here, here and here.

The idea isn’t to focus just on extravagant purchases, it’s everything. From that $2.35 pen to the booze you throw down for on Saturday night.

Now, I am NO miser, and I don’t expect you to be either. This isn’t about living without; it’s about living the best life you can, without the weight that comes with the consumerist lifestyle of our culture. It’s about using your money to get you everything you REALLY want, not what you’re made to feel you need to be happy.

It’s about making the “stuff” in your life better; the best it can possibly be.

Here are parts  2, 3, 4 and 5

If you want to go through a Crap Detox with the rest of us, subscribe here for updates and next steps. Hey at least try it; you’ve gotten nothing to lose but crap.

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Ever hang out with someone and feel anxious to get home? Does being around them make you feel drained, annoyed or stressed out? You’re not quite sure how it got like this, but you can’t shake the feeling you want to “break up with them”?

Toxic Friends.

They infiltrate your life like a searpeant, slithering their negativity in and unexpectedly smothering you with it.

Sometimes these friends were always bad news but you had your own issues that you never saw it coming. Or for whatever reason they may not have your best interests at heart, and you’re finally starting to notice. It could be possible time and change has caused this rift, but no matter what the circumstances, the odds are you might need to cut them loose; for your sake and theirs.

Here’s a handy guide to find out if you’ve been delaying the inevitable:

1. Being around them is supposed to be fun.

Usually they should make your day but now they only create an exhausting one. If you find that spending time with them doesn’t make great memories, then you might want to get some pest repellant.

2. My personal cheerleader.

Ask yourself: does this person support me? Do they inspire me or give me respect and ecouragement? If no, perhaps they’re really not your friend and you cling to each other for other reasons. A true friendship is like any form of real love, they want everything for you that you could ever dream for yourself, and they willingly help you get there.

3. Drama, drama, drama.

At least once a week they call you with some woe-is-me story that won’t end. Their relationship, their job, their apartment, basically whatever event that shows up in their life becomes a of tale tribulation and struggle.

4. Negative Nancy.

The food is bad. The people are lame. The ride is too long. They never stop complaining and while you battle to remain positive, the fun-sucking energy coming from them still wins.

5. What it’s only been three months?

You haven’t seen each other in ages and you only make the effort when there’s nothing better to do. Or when you have the delusion to believe it’ll be fun this time. (But still, it never is.)

Relationships are supposed to enrich your life and make you a better person. They aren’t supposed to make you feel bad about yourself. Friendships should only enhance who you are becoming and improve the quality of your life.

The theory that what we don’t like in others is a reflection of what we don’t like in ourselves is hogwash. What we don’t like in those around us was once what we were, but now we can see it in others only because we’ve overcome it. It is only when we do something about our shortcomings do we really understand their affect on the world around us and when we carry the same problems as our neighbor we are usually too busy with our baggage to notice theirs.

Remember whatever you do with a toxic friend, be honest and kind, for they know that they not what they do.

You know, you’ve been there too.

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A long time ago I came to accept that I am idealist. I believe in the way the world could be rather then then what it is. I often look at situations and find that when there’s something unfitting about it, there’s almost always a better way for me to manage it. There doesn’t seem too much in the world that can’t be changed; whether through the work of many, the unadulterated passion of a few, or the intention of one.

Idealism isn’t a weakness. Remember, what is greatest in history are those that changed it.

You don’t have to be an idealist to create change and anyone that says people don’t change is talking about those that choose not too. We all have that dynamic, life changing movement within us, we just have to start believing it knows what it’s talking about. Stop telling it to simmer down and stay quiet inside you.

Change is a choice. For you, for me, and for whomever you wish would.

When you choose to take responsibility for something you can identify how, where, and when different choices can improve upon it. With practice, eventually you’ll find the path to your now awakened ideals with remarkable ease. The biggest changes are usually never the easiest ones, which incidentally always tell you they are most important. If neccessary you can start small and build up to the bigger steps, but as your immunity to change grows you’ll find there won’t be much you are intimidated by.

It could take months or even years. You could even spend the rest of your life controlling your smoking habit, bad-boy attraction or spending sprees. But regardless of the longevity, nothing, absolutely nothing will ever feel as amazing as knowing you’ve succeed in achieving your ideal.

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I’ve never really been too much of envious person; usually holding tight to the idea that “their success is not my failure”. Recently though, as I struggle to find my place in this writing/blogging world, I find that I am often detered by what others have accomplished. Inspiration and determination has not been springing within me as I am often deflated by the rising success of others.

The green dragon really likes to unexpectedly bite you in the ass, doesn’t it?

In not wanting to be an envious and hateful cod, I’ve forwarded my thinking to understanding why.

Well to start I’m disgustingly afraid of failing at this whole writing venture I’ve set upon and the more involved I get the more I uncover how much I need to learn (this road is getting long and intimidating).

But, isn’t that true about anything you want?

It wouldn’t be what you wanted if it were easy. Isn’t what we want the most what we believe we are farthest from? What we are passionate about is always something that we have to struggle with to achieve, because why would we ever aspire for something within our reach?

Maybe that means jealousy is your brain telling you:

“Yeah, you want that. Now just go out and get it!”

Allowing this jealousy to get to me isn’t going to help, and feeding into it is only going to create failure, so I might as well find some way to use these feelings to my advantage.

At least until I am able to get over them.

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When people ask me where I live I often tell them Little Korea.

Technically NY doesn’t really have one of those, but since I happen to live in a predominantly Korean neighborhood I like to refer to it that way. I moved in without any real attention to the surroundings. I was in desperate need of a new apartment and the only things I cared about were: 1) safe 2) convenient to the highway. I’ve lived here for slightly over two years and besides remnants from the old life, I’m one of the few non-Asians in my surrounding blocks. Next to the McDonald’s around the block there is an Asian Market filled with Korean signs and fish so fresh its practically just been pulled right off the boat. For most people here English is not their first language (sometimes not at all) and their cultural influences are more Korean than American. Despite these obstacles, we communicate without too much confusion.

Some people appear uncomfortable when I describe my home as Little Korea. It’s almost as though they find it inappropriate, even racist. Personally, I find that it’s their discomfort that is innappropriate and besides it’s a rather accurate description.

In today’s world it is hard for many to differentiate between prejudice and acknowledgement or opinion. My nickname for my home is not a reflection of its worth, nor a defamation of its people. Those that find it offensive are the very people that are prejudice against that which contrasts from their cultural and religious norms.

When someone whispers “he’s black”, “she’s gay”, “the Puerto Rican guy” that is about our own racism, not everyone else around them. Why would you hide something unless you felt it was in some way unfavorable? Isn’t a persons race, religion, creed, sexual orientation a form of character and/or description, just as tall or short, brown eyes or blue? The negative connotation that comes with being black is derivative only in our own view of the words used. Being homosexual only means something bad when we choose to speak it as so. The discomfort society has in acknowledging our differences is the very thing that keeps us from achieving a world where we could stand together as a human race. We are different and that is exactly what makes us beautiful. As soon as we give up this stupid fight for us all to be the same we can start embracing the unique magnificence within each others culture.

Now that would be such a wonderful world!

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“We came to see that, in the long run, it is more honorable to walk in dignity than ride in humiliation.”
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

As it is another year celebrating the late Civil Right’s leader, I am reminded of the people who were responsible for some of the most incredible acts of bravery in our nation’s history. I personally can’t imagine what it was like to be even alive during a time when segregation was legal, let alone be a black person fighting it.

It seems our people have been tamed into silence. Unlike the wild horses we once were, determined to have the life we demanded.

Children and adults alike see the day as just another holiday off. I suppose that is what it is, because noone is expected to always remember one man.

So let’s just take the day off and instead honor them everyday by living what they taught us.

Times.com has a fabulous slideshow telling the story of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and the Civil Rights Movement.

Now, I ask you:

Where have all the movers and shakers gone?

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I’ve spent the last few years of my life participating in standard marital celebrations. All my experiences have been similar but after one such party I felt the full impact of its redundancy; something I think many people can relate too.

Since the announcement I had not seen the newly betrothed girl so I walked up to her and gave the expected congratulations. As we pulled away from our embrace, she shoved her left hand in my face with such tenacity I was humorously taken aback by her forcefulness. I glanced at the ring and smiled, knowing her intentions were laced with excitement and not bad mannered. As she rambled on, sharing the story of their engagement for no doubts the hundred and sixth time, I analyzed her joy.

I never do get what the big deal is.

After going to numerous weddings in the past few years, they’ve all blended together, carbon copies of one another, levels of expense the only real differentiating factor. The spectacles were only enjoyable when at their most intimate; a unique reflection of the couple’s adoration. The charade of the ring and the commercially unoriginal list of parties and requirements end up an obligational and unnecessarily expensive. The decision to participate in this martial standardization seems conditioned and by no means the genuine reflections of an ever lasting love.This journey we are forced to embark is no longer a pivotal point in a relationship. Instead it’s a performance for others. Reflective of what society deems a correct wedding so the most opinionated of the invitees walks away assured that the couple in question is on the right path. A path paved by the bouquet toss, cake cutting, and perfect venue.

Is any of it an essential part of developing a healthy, successful romantic partnership? Or is it perpetrated by social norms and the desire to uphold a certain public image?

And if it was essential, shouldn’t couples be past these relationship milestones years before they enter into a legally binding collaboration?

Who ever said marriage was the end of the road with romantic love? And if it is, why can’t it be pertinent to your love, with a budget you can afford; an enrichment to the life you currently have, not the one you want created by a single day.Show me the couple that opts for a red dress and moissanite. The couple that shares the day with just those few that loves them the most. The couple that devotes themselves to one another through civil ceremony or considers themselves wed whether licensed or not. I’d love to see them so secure in their commitment that marriage is something to look forward too, not something achieved with ultimatums. Let it not be about you, the dress, the food, but about just being together.

As a woman I find it a tad absurd, the endless questioning of when a relationship will be official. (Because your connection isn’t significant until the government or god is involved?) I was further humored by the young woman, who when done showcasing her ring, touched my arm and exclaimed with assurance:

“Don’t worry, you’ll be next.”

She meant it sweetly, a kind girl, unaware of her comments. At least, I assume so. Perplexed though, I thought, who’s worried? As if my own party in a local restaurant substantiates my happiness or my relationship. And if it did, would it be because of my own desire for such an occasion or more so for the people who share her sentiments? As I go through the phase of life where marriage is a main topic and baby showers become quite common, I can’t help but question whether most engage in these activities because frankly they have no idea who they are or what else they should do.

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For further readings on the American wedding tradition:

The Trouble With Engagement Rings
It’s Just Marketing
How Two Months Salary Lasts a Lifetime In Really Evil Shit
Conflict Diamonds
Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond?
One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding by Rebecca Mead

(EDIT 2/5/08: Apparently Jessica Alba hates weddings too. Not that this has any real credibility, but it was still funny considering I got some backlash about this post.)

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