Just MakeItBetter

It’s silly and slightly melodramatic: I wish that people could just stop being hurt so much. I’m an ENFJ and one of the things that it says about me is that I pretty much see the potential greatness in everything.  I can quickly and meticulously identify where something or someone exemplifies space for improvement. In essence, I long to make things better. (Go figure.)

I’m always thinking about the women in Congo. People who are losing their homes. Children whose genius is being ruined with poor instruction, malnutrition and unkind direction. I hate knowing everyday civilians in Iraq experience massive devastation.

They’re all people too. Christian, Buddhist, Black or Brown. Mostly innocent.

I don’t worry about some guy mugging me on my way to work. I worry about what’s being untold. About when current children turn fifty and there’s a brain cancer epidemic. About medication that could save us but doesn’t receive funding because someone can’t turn a profit. I think about all that is being told and then feel terrified by what isn’t.

I worry more about this than some young inner city teen. Because for every uneducated homeowner who should accept individual responsibility, there is a manipulative broker waiting in the bushes to pounce on their ignorance.

I want to expose why, in this opulence, could anyone go hungry in the first place. I want to understand how entire communities become dilapidated by decades of neglect, when clearly others (sometimes steps away) are saved from such destruction.  I want to get to the heart of the matter, as they say, and pull out the root.

I don’t want us to feed the poor. That just keeps real change from succeeding. Instead, I want to show them how to start pulling weeds.

Is it idealistically ignorant of me to believe that the root of the cause could actually be remedied?

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This is for all you country girls and small town boys. And for anyone who is somewhere dreaming they could take the leap to make a change. If you dream of getting out from where you are but don’t believe you can, this post is for you.

I was raised in upstate New York, in a small town with two stoplights. The place consists of very little: mainly obese townies, neglected property and a large amount of livestock. It’s a safe, sheltered place to keep your kids simple and out of as much trouble as possible.

It’s also a huge sandbox in which to stick ones head into.

Now that I’ve escaped, I look back with appreciation, but when I was there I thought I’d never get out. I was terrified of becoming a local, in a dead-end job, squandering my dreams because of fear of what I’d never been shown.

It wasn’t until I left that I saw it was that very environment which made me aware I had the strength to get out.

Growing up in a secluded environment offers young minds a limited view of what makes up the world. These malleable children are disillusioned about what they could do, who they could be and what possibility lies before them. Similar to children raised in an inner city, information isn’t handed out like Halloween candy, with mentors offering up direction for misguided youth. The unknown is manipulated by media or parental driven portrayals. Growth and open-mindedness is then stifled, shortening an individual’s confidence to head out into the world. And with this brings a adulthood wrought with a mere existence.

Despite this, if you’re smart enough to dream bigger than where you are, then you’re strong enough to take it on.

If a person dreams of something bigger than where or what they are, they must believe that is something that exists for them. I don’t dream of becoming a man, because frankly I have no interest in it, but women that really do want a penis sure will find a way to get one.

When I was small I wished for culture and diversity and by doing so, I was creating that future for myself. Leaving my town of two thousand people wasn’t hard work. Years later, now being where I had dreamed I’d be, I understand dreaming it was all it took.

If you want to get out of your situation, whatever it may be, the fact that you have the strength to even wish for it is proof enough to know you’re smart enough to overcome it. Recognizing inferiority is enough evidence it can and should change.

Just do it.

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You do not admit that it’s all your fault. 

If you’re still with me, at least allow me to explain.

I don’t really believe in the woe-is-me tale. (Especially not in this country.) Yes there are many facets to a sucky life and you may be faced with many of them, but odds are they of your own making.

There are very few situations in life when we become sad victims of circumstance. Most often they are consequences of our own choices and not external forces magically infiltrating our lives with doom and gloom.

If something in your life is amiss, it’s probably because you:

1. Created the problem
2. Don’t take action to change it
3. And/or don’t take any responsibility for your choices

Take for example the other day when I ran into the bagel store. I had parked on the street, threw a quarter in the meter and before I even decided between whole wheat and cinnamon raisin someone was writing me a ticket. The man behind the counter looked at me with pity and told me you can’t park there because of street cleaning.

Negotiating with a NY traffic cop wasn’t happening. Besides the damage was already done. I could’ve thrown out arguments (my typical route) and moaned (futile yet still typical) about my supposed travesty, but it was my own damn fault. I should’ve read the sign. 

Acknowledging the role I played in this brought peace to the negative event. It allowed me to move on quickly and in doing so I gained the lesson (read sign dumbass, don’t assume) right away.

No matter what you don’t like in life, step back and be brutally honest about the role you play in it. Consider what you can change or how to make it better. There’s almost always something.

You’re the only common denominator in all your experiences so stop denying the power your actions have and start making better choices. 

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I practice meditation rather poorly. Unless guided in a class, creating mental stillness is not my forte. So when my girl-friend mentioned Gabrielle Roth 5Rhythms class, spouting its fabulousness with enthusiasm, I figured the $20 and two hours was worth its possibilities. The class is made up of five core elements of music each opening you up to all forms of Being. You go into a room and dance with complete strangers for two hours while music is played, freeing your inhibitions and mind.

Basically, it’s dancing as a form of meditation and it was fucking awesome.

After paying, my friend and I chatted for a bit about our prospective lives, sharing a story here and there. The room was filled with waiting participants and as they stretched around me I could feel their anticipation and excitement. I was definitely overdressed, casual for work, but my Bermuda shorts and loose fitting shirt was a bit much compared to the sports bras and yoga pants around me. When you go wear lose fitting and/or workout clothes, plan to sweat a lot, and bring water.

We walked into the room; it was a bare studio with some lighting and large speakers. The music was loud and people had already started to dance, moving at their own preference and pace. I felt awkward and unsure of what to do. As I stood there thinking, I laughed at the humor of it. The whole point was for me to just be present, enjoy, move as I wanted, without a concern for judgment about  what I was supposed to do/be, yet there I was, minutes into it, thinking as usual.

That was lesson 1.

After awhile I caught the energy in the room, ignored my thoughts and started to bop along. It was contagious, the positive and joyous vibes that were bouncing around with these dancing people. It started to become so fun, I had not gone dancing in ages and I loved it. I could feel that everyone was just being himself or herself, moving as they would, not caring how they looked.

Appearances were not an issue here and no one played a role. There was no dressing to impress or sliding up on you, disrespectfully invading your space. There was no value in how you looked, how cool you danced (or didn’t). It was unbelievably freeing; welcomed to be myself.

That was lesson 2.

Throughout the night people were flopping around in some of the most awkward ways. Their bodies twirling and waving along without any real concern for westernized rhythm. Even an open minded person like myself (Hey I went didn’t I!?) was taken aback by some relaxed and “unusual” dance patterns, hairstyles and/or clothing. Looking around at the so-called oddities surrounding me, it was apparent my mind still needed some broadening, as my natural inclination was to judge. I guess that’s where fear of being judged comes from; it takes one to know one.

And lesson 3.

At the end of the night I walked out floating, it had felt like the best yoga I’d ever taken. I was sweaty, tired, and smiley. I had not spoken to anyone in almost two hours, yet shared my space and meditation with a room full of strangers. As I walked 10th avenue I noticed the popular celebrity clubs Marquee and The Pink Elephant were just steps away from where I had just left. I thought of the groups of people that would gather there that weekend, begging to be let in, to be seen, dance and rub elbows with important people.

Funny thing though, for a lot less I had done so much more. 

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For more information and how to attend:

Wikipedia

www.gabrielleroth.com

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This post is about how to overcome your own biases and judgment of other groups, individuals and ideas. This isn’t just about race or religion, it’s about the skater, the prep, the Louis Vuitton carrying coworker - anyone or anything we negate because of previously held beliefs.

This process worked for me, I hope it works for you.

First figure out where you stand:

1. If you’re aware of your biases and you no longer delude yourself in believing that they don’t exist, therefore you are already past the huge hurdle that first comes with acceptance.

2. If you question whether you have them, your inconclusive position proves they exist.

3. If you legitimately believe that your race, religion, style etc is above all others, well you probably need more help then a blog post could provide.

4. If you are adamant that you are already an unbiased soul, then keep reading anyway and share in the comments.

Which one are you?

Now try this:

1. Admit it.

If you haven’t admitted it yet, you need to before moving on the step two. It doesn’t have to be publicly posted, but you need to acknowledge what you want to change before you can make any really progress.

2. It’s just your perception.

We only perceive things based on what we’ve been taught to believe. Looking outside the box that you’ve placed others in allows you to see the narrow plane in your own perspective. Perhaps with some exploration, information will bring new insight.

3. Spend time with what you fear.

Ultimately racism comes from past experiences, environmental influences and the media’s representation of cultural groups. When you want to overcome a dislike or fear of something the best thing to do is face it. The same goes with a bias. You need to replace the things you learned with real life connection and personal observation.

You aren’t born hating Mexicans, you probably just don’t know any.

4. Experience authentic culture.

The local Chinese place doesn’t really offer the bona fide taste of the old country. Read some literature on the history of the culture you are resistant to, head to a local neighborhood with some friends, and eat cuisine prepared true to the culture’s history. Go to a gay bar and have dinner with some transvestites. You still might not be into trannies, but you’ll be less inclined to judge them as so.

5. Focus on similarities not differences.

Once you’ve found yourself in a situation where you can explore a relationship with someone you would otherwise reject, try to look past what makes you different and find what makes you the same. What makes us the same is far greater then what makes us different. Get to know them for who they are as a person; not a dork, rich girl, or Jew.

6. Let your guard down.

There is always the fear that others will judge and reject you, but don’t let that hinder you from edging your way into opening up. The more you let your guard down the more they will too, and with that an authentic connection will be made. From there the differences that once divided you will become characteristics and beautiful qualities of your new friend.

There’s a distinct line between being biased and wanting to eradicate an entire group of people, but still, as the song goes, we’re all a little bit racist.

We just don’t have to be.

Related posts:

Apparently I’m a Racist
Ghetto Houseguest

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My friend spoke those words to me last night. I thought it was another nice way of saying make it better. It was also interesting option for a new tag-line for this blog.

Best of all it helped me sum up my feelings about what I am doing here with this.

Why I blog:

1. To inspire
2. To generate discussions
3. To create change
4. To get people thinking about their life, society, and our world
5. To learn some new things
6. To be able to write everyday and for others to gain value from it
7. To help people
8. To generate ideas
9. To grow
10. To end judgement
11. To open minds
12. To create independence

How you can help:

1. Email me topics you’d like discussed
2. Comment constructively
3. Be insightful
4. Share your ideas
5. Subscribe here
6. Share my content
7. Be yourself

I’ve always wanted to help people; for them to see the fabulousness in themselves, know their potential and exceed beyond it. Makeitbetter is one small step in my attempt to change the world, at least a little bit.

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A long time ago I came to accept that I am idealist. I believe in the way the world could be rather then then what it is. I often look at situations and find that when there’s something unfitting about it, there’s almost always a better way for me to manage it. There doesn’t seem too much in the world that can’t be changed; whether through the work of many, the unadulterated passion of a few, or the intention of one.

Idealism isn’t a weakness. Remember, what is greatest in history are those that changed it.

You don’t have to be an idealist to create change and anyone that says people don’t change is talking about those that choose not too. We all have that dynamic, life changing movement within us, we just have to start believing it knows what it’s talking about. Stop telling it to simmer down and stay quiet inside you.

Change is a choice. For you, for me, and for whomever you wish would.

When you choose to take responsibility for something you can identify how, where, and when different choices can improve upon it. With practice, eventually you’ll find the path to your now awakened ideals with remarkable ease. The biggest changes are usually never the easiest ones, which incidentally always tell you they are most important. If neccessary you can start small and build up to the bigger steps, but as your immunity to change grows you’ll find there won’t be much you are intimidated by.

It could take months or even years. You could even spend the rest of your life controlling your smoking habit, bad-boy attraction or spending sprees. But regardless of the longevity, nothing, absolutely nothing will ever feel as amazing as knowing you’ve succeed in achieving your ideal.

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My boss is 60 and drives me crazy. My last boss was 54 and equally as annoying.

Surely it’s all about me and my bad attitude?Recently a consultant (FYI: age, 47) was hired to evaluate my firm and surprisingly validated the problems I had with my antiquated and disrespectful management. It was liberating to have an outside professional spout the same criticism I have because at this point I am bitter and have lost my initiative.

These validations got me to thinking: what’s the right way to fix this gen. Y/baby boomer hate?

The first step is admitting there’s a problem.

The changes occurring in the workforce are undeniable and age gaps are creating conflicts with the old and the new. As a young worker I am extremely discouraged by the limitations that I am placed in. The entry level games and hierarchy, my unwillingness to participate in it and how my age is often used to undermine my performance. The stubbornness in generation Y is also resented by those that came before and bit their tongues, earning their keep as expected. Theses superiors don’t trust their younger coworkers and won’t relinquish any control, which in turn causes temper tantrums in a generation that doesn’t believe their age holds them back, nor does it determine their rights. It’s a simple case of both wanting their own way, not realizing that they could be much more fruitful together then apart.

Sorry Grandpa, technology trumps the 9-5.

Today’s youth have been raised on the technological advancements that earlier generations commonly ignore. Whether it is from ignorance, intimidation or choice. Yes, there are many in the older crowd that have adapted and would give the fastest texters a run for their money, but for the most part, they are not hip to what’s hot on the tech circuit. The advantages that come with computer and technological savvy are immeasurable, yet so often, baby boomers continue typing with two fingers and snubbing the “The Four Hour Work Week”. With these skills comes the ability to do things faster, with greater ease, resulting in an increase in productivity and still it seems many want to work harder, not smarter. All because it’s what they know.On the other side, the gen Yer’s have always had this technological luxury - at least early enough for it to be a staple in their lives - and with that comes the freedom to work and do with a flexibility that once could not exist. I could probably do more in one hour then most baby boomers could in two. And it’s not because they aren’t capable of it, they just don’t utilize and comprehend the available resources as I do; they haven’t spent the last ten years of their life engulfed by it. But when you wear the Partner’s pants and since change is hard, it’s a lot easily to keep things the way they are.

Survival of the fittest: if you don’t adapt, you die.

Old fashioned and outdated is exactly what this workforce has become.

People weren’t designed to work as we are in today’s era. Maybe fifty years ago this model fit perfectly, but today it just hinders the most efficient employees when creating a good product or service. The rules, regulations and structure are suffocating and instead of optimizing your employee’s time it actually smothers creativity and loyalty. If some days I had an extra hour of sleep I would not only be healthier, but would spend more days doing something valuable as opposed to pattering around the office, drinking coffee and hoping that if I look busy I’ll be left alone. Unfortunately, that and me “showing up on time” is more important, more professional, and apparently more logical. What’s that? Why should I be able to do get that extra hour? Because If I do my work my way, I can get it done faster and more then satisfactory. I know what is best for me to optimize my own self, not you. I can do an eight hour day of work in probably five or six (as many of us can), and we all know those other few are usually spent as small breaks in which you appear working but really your emailing, organizing, staring into space just waiting for it to trickle down to the end of day.Studies have shown that people work more efficiently under a time deficiency and during certain periods of the day, so why not use science to increase your bottom line, instead of trying to redefine human nature?

It’s all pretty foolish.

Oh yeah, and old and tired.

The perfect marriage.

Baby boomers and other industry old-timers are indispensable (the good ones that is, you know who you are). The wisdom of age and experience is irreplaceable and when those that have something to teach embrace the youthful vigor and casual nature of their younger coworkers, together they could make such an incredibly powerful couple.

Let’s experiment, shall we?

Imagine the wisdom you know you’ll have at sixty-five, eighty five or even a hundred.

Now imagine that wisdom at work in your twenty-five year old body.

Now imagine the things you could’ve done.

That’s why right now we are in a place of great opportunity. When could we be so blessed to have a determined, savvy and advanced group of young individuals be paired with some of the best thinkers who have not only paved a path of success, but are mostly responsible for the empowered youth they resist!?We can learn something from each other, as we all can, in life, not just in work. As someone on the young side, I can do my best to fight for change or to share what I can, but it goes both ways. As those mostly in positions of power, children of the past not only hold the cards to make the transitions sweeter but you are responsible for what we could be. You can also use the office rug-rats to keep you up on what’s current, because if you want to stay relevant you better be willing to learn.

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I’ve never really been too much of envious person; usually holding tight to the idea that “their success is not my failure”. Recently though, as I struggle to find my place in this writing/blogging world, I find that I am often detered by what others have accomplished. Inspiration and determination has not been springing within me as I am often deflated by the rising success of others.

The green dragon really likes to unexpectedly bite you in the ass, doesn’t it?

In not wanting to be an envious and hateful cod, I’ve forwarded my thinking to understanding why.

Well to start I’m disgustingly afraid of failing at this whole writing venture I’ve set upon and the more involved I get the more I uncover how much I need to learn (this road is getting long and intimidating).

But, isn’t that true about anything you want?

It wouldn’t be what you wanted if it were easy. Isn’t what we want the most what we believe we are farthest from? What we are passionate about is always something that we have to struggle with to achieve, because why would we ever aspire for something within our reach?

Maybe that means jealousy is your brain telling you:

“Yeah, you want that. Now just go out and get it!”

Allowing this jealousy to get to me isn’t going to help, and feeding into it is only going to create failure, so I might as well find some way to use these feelings to my advantage.

At least until I am able to get over them.

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