Monogamy, for every man?
photo by: lj_scampo
Recently, a gay man revealed sexual fidelity doesn’t exist in the Land of Just Penis.
He went on to explain that gay men have open relationships. Unlike the common monogamy in heterosexual relationships, it’s perfectly acceptable to be committed and have a boyfriend on the side simultaneously. The partner knows about this side fling and probably has one himself, perhaps even bringing one home to play. All parties involved are aware of the circumstances and their rank in it. It’s accepted and very common. So much so that the anomaly is gay men who are sexually committed.
According to my source, men handle it with maturity and communication (WAIT! That’s possible?) without jealousy and resentment. It’s about fulfilling innate needs and desires, not taking away from a partnership. (That would mean emotional affairs.) He explained how their love is about more than sex and when he’s with someone, building a life, there’s a lot more value to that than who helps get his rocks off. It’s like getting that once-there-but-now-faded ooh la la without losing the intimacy of years together.
It’s their normal.
Although, he did mention that “The young or recently out ones still need some introduction.”
Mankind’s question of monogamy is not a new one. Are we really meant to be with one person? Could the gay community have it right?
Since testosterone levels determine libido, and men are made of it, you’d expect an all-male sex party to be one big organized orgy. Therefore, is this arrangement possible when women enter the game? Would heterosexual men and women even want this? Let alone, even handle it?
Is it against natural human drive to stay faithful, especially once the lights have gone dim between the sheets? Is it wrong to get what one single person can’t provide from another at the same time? For every man not happy with their thrice-monthly marital trysts there is a woman longing for attention and romance.
Could we evolve to a universally polyamorous society? Where men and woman alike nurture personal needs both with and without their significant others?
Perhaps after decades together when lovers become friends, agreements’ can be made to satisfy everyone’s needs. If everyone knows, confides and cares, it isn’t really hurting anyone, right?
Sitting with my gay confidant I noticed his sincerity and couldn’t judge his choices because they differed from my own. It worked for him and his partner. Finding your own happiness is a great life achievement and who am I to decide what works for another. (Who are any of us?) There doesn’t seem to be a right and wrong, only honest and real. And that has to be better than a partner who lies for a lover.
Or is it? What do you think?
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I’m old fashioned. One woman with one man. Married to each other. Capish?!
November 26th, 2009 at 2:13 amThe myth of fidelity and monogamy has reigned for centuries. One by fable and one by religion. Yet, it has been violated by every social, economic and religious class in one form or another, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. In fact with a couple of exceptions that don’t come to mind, polyamorous behavior is rampant throughout the animal kingdom. Certain mores will always be in place and in favor, but all seem pliable depending on the parties involved. “Love the one your with” may be hitting closer to the truth than we care to admit. Yet can two people reconcile amour and domicile w/out one of the two feeling left out? Depends on the two I suspect.
November 26th, 2009 at 7:03 amCJ,
I suppose that’s another point. To each man and woman their own, without ridicule or explanation. Old fashioned or not, you’re entitled to your own choices for happiness.
Blackie Ray,
I can’t imagine the men I’ve been with being fine with me exploring outside our relationship. Have you ever tried it? Know anyone that has?
November 26th, 2009 at 11:37 amI suppose my radar on right or wrong is made up of a lifetime of conditioning from family, society, experience, etc. What makes something right for me doesn’t make it right for someone else. There are always some sort of moral standards that a society tries to live up to. But would I, an independent American woman, make it in a community where I was expected to be subservient to men (or anyone, really)? Probably not. So, most of us have been conditioned to remain monogamous, whether we like that idea or not. I suppose this makes it hard to step outside of that social norm. Whether or not it is wrong or right or hard-wired in us, it’s not for me to decide. But what I know is this: I treasure my body and do not give it out freely. I value being STD-free and free from the betrayal of cheating and picturing my man sticking it to another woman. It makes me sick. But that’s just me.
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:04 pmMelissa,
Your openmindness is refreshing. Just because you wouldn’t doesn’t mean other’s shouldn’t.
I too, can’t really imagine being into sharing. But I’ve never been with someone more than four years, so I can’t imagine what will come with a lifetime together either.
December 3rd, 2009 at 4:28 pmI don’t know if the gay community has the perfect model for relationships, but I think it’s better than the average heterosexual model.
One out of two marriages end in divorce. Those couples that choose to stay together for life often stay because of convenience, not because they are in love with each other.
I think the way marriages currently operate is outdated. People change so much over the years, the chances of being together for life is very slim. Instead of committing for life, why not commit for like five years and renew your marriage license like you would a driver’s license if you choose?
As far as polyamory goes, I say why not! If you are someone’s “girlfriend” or “wife”, that is labeling yourself, and implies you belong to somebody. You are not property, and I think we would be better off if more people lived polyamorous. I was in a couple of long term monagamous relationships with women… the last relationship ended earlier this year. I’m single now and ready to try something new.
I don’t think society as a whole is ready for polyamory. However, I think it would be a positive change if more people adopted this lifestyle. I think I’m going do my part to help mankind and join a polyamorous dating site.
December 9th, 2009 at 12:46 amJohn Griggs´s last blog ..Hilarious Pranks on Video
John,
At least you’re doing your part.
December 9th, 2009 at 7:00 pm