Just Make It Better

photo by lu_lu

The seven boys in my high school class, coupled with my daddy issues, had me thinking better than to waste my virginity on some local loser.

Which at nineteen, left me a dating novice, wasting it on a Long Island loser.

Charlie was a cute, down on his luck 24 year old, with a doctor daddy and name-brand education. I was smitten, stupid, and only paying attention to what I wanted to. Happy to think he was perfect, in his Ralph Lauren life.

20/20 Hindsight

Charlie wasn’t clear who he was, but he revealed enough to prove he was a jerk. During our first date he told me he cheated on his ex-girlfriend, whom he dated five years. He had “other girlfriends at college” was I believe, how he put it. I was foolish enough to have that second date.

Four months later he dumped me two days before Christmas.

Charlie had shown me what kind of person he was on our very first date. He showed in other ways too. Like how he never came to me and often disrespected his mother. Or the story about how a girl he dated, dumped threw her drink on his head during an impromptu bar encounter. (Yea, that didn’t reveal anything.)

A person’s character cannot be hidden well for long.

People are honest about what they stand for, believe and how they will treat you all the time. We just need to be willing to admit what we see, and what is real, not what we want to be true. And don’t assume you’re so special that you won’t receive the same crappy treatment others experience. It just hasn’t come your way.

Yet.

It will, it’s inevitable, people can’t contain themselves for that long. Whether it be a friend, lover or colleague, the lies they tell, gossip they spread or drama they make will find its way into your relationship. It could be years, but your day will come. You can’t dodge who people are and you aren’t that unique. So don’t be surprised when the person they’ve been all along slaps you in your face.

Charlie may as well have “insecure player” tattooed on his head and I would’ve been too busy eating my steak to notice.

Maybe you’ll meet someone new tomorrow and they’ll do something that makes you raise your brow. Don’t ignore these instincts, signs and revelations. They are always truth. The romantic gesture or sexy paycheck is not.

Maybe there’s someone in your life showing up in certain ways that has you feeling uncomfortable. When someone becomes the person you didn’t think they were, that doesn’t mean they weren’t always exactly what they are now. They were, but like me, you ignored it.

People always say they didn’t see it coming but as soon as it does, they look back and realize they were just oblivious to the signs.

Everyone has unappealing characteristics, you decide what is worth staying in spite of and what isn’t. Pay attention and accept what is true, people are who they are and they won’t be changing that for you. Don’t waste your time with people who are eventually going to hurt you. In the end, if they get the chance too, it’s because you let them.

Just as I let Charlie.

Edit 8/14/09: Headline is a quote from Maya Angelou. I knew that, yet overlooked attributing it when originally posting.

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