Just Make It Better

When I would argue and fight with my ex it was usually a brutal bitch fest filled with derogatory anger.

I was pretty cruel. But I always believed it was just my reaction to him, and if HE stopped his ways, I could stop mine too.

We both had our fair share of assholery, but I can only discuss my own.

Once I left that hate-filled relationship, I soon started dating a very calm man. During disagreements he would remain calm and ignore my irrational, emotional automatics. Through his sensibilities my own awareness became heightened. Without a bad attitude to latch onto the negativity of my actions and words would bounce off him and smack me right in the face.

I couldn’t blame my behavior on him this time; I was becoming the same fighter I’d always been.

No matter what the other culprit does it always starts and ends with me.

When we fight with a lover (or anyone for that matter) we are usually very much focused what they do and say rather than our own actions. How they treat us, disrespect us and make us feel.

We’re so damn preoccupied with the injustices they perform; we don’t consciously witness our own. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, no matter how bad the others involved. And that includes you.

The next time you find yourself in a disagreement, try to remain even keeled and unaffected by their behavior. It will take time but with enough practice, you might start to see what they do is not really about you, but their own issues. With enough practice you might realize how you react is totally within your control. With enough practice you’ll stop feeding into other people’s negativity, further breeding your own.

Then maybe, just maybe, the change in you might create a change in them too.

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