The One Reason Your Life Isn’t What You Want
You do not admit that it’s all your fault.
If you’re still with me, at least allow me to explain.
I don’t really believe in the woe-is-me tale. (Especially not in this country.) Yes there are many facets to a sucky life and you may be faced with many of them, but odds are they of your own making.
There are very few situations in life when we become sad victims of circumstance. Most often they are consequences of our own choices and not external forces magically infiltrating our lives with doom and gloom.
If something in your life is amiss, it’s probably because you:
- Created the problem
- Don’t take action to change it
- And/or don’t take any responsibility for your choices
Take for example the other day when I ran into the bagel store. I had parked on the street, threw a quarter in the meter and before I even decided between whole wheat and cinnamon raisin someone was writing me a ticket. The man behind the counter looked at me with pity and told me you can’t park there because of street cleaning.
Negotiating with a NY traffic cop wasn’t happening. Besides the damage was already done. I could’ve thrown out arguments (my typical route) and moaned (futile yet still typical) about my supposed travesty, but it was my own damn fault. I should’ve read the sign.
Acknowledging the role I played in this brought peace to the negative event. It allowed me to move on quickly and in doing so I gained the lesson (read sign dumbass, don’t assume) right away.
No matter what you don’t like in life, step back and be brutally honest about the role you play in it. Consider what you can change or how to make it better. There’s almost always something.
You’re the only common denominator in all your experiences so stop denying the power your actions have and start making better choices.
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I’m not sure about this, actually.
I mean, I take the point that you’ve made, but it’s very easy to descend into the self blame game, rather than taking it on the chin and moving on.
I mean – maybe you were tired/distracted when you slung the quarter in the meter. Maybe you’d had an argument with someone, or hungry. We can’t all be superhuman.
You’re point about facing up to situations and making better choices is good though.
Great blog, by the way. Keep up the good work.
April 13th, 2008 at 2:11 amHey Artbizness,
I like that you brought up the self blame game. I know my approach was a bit curt, so it may come off as though I were encouraging that.
I hope most don’t see it as so but see the broader message.
Thanks for the feedback – always appreciated.
April 13th, 2008 at 9:26 amThat’s an expensive whole wheat cinnamon raisin bagel!
April 18th, 2008 at 9:30 pmSelf blame is dangerous, I know this all too well. Someone close to me (perhaps I have mentioned this person already in previous posts) always feels victimized but never assumes she has anything to do with it. She is always a victim, but never to blame. Her fingers are always pointing away, but never toward herself. I would be afraid to see how she would have reacted in your situation.
I’ve been there. That girl who always says “why me?”. It’s nice not to be there anymore. I know it’s difficult to deal with, because now being on the other side I see my old behavior in others and wonder how anyone dealt with me.
Have you ever tried pointing these things out to this person? As long as you are concerned and not superior, it may help them see another perspective…
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April 28th, 2008 at 1:02 pm