Just MakeItBetter

Imagine you’re in the woods. You know where you want to head you just need to keep walking. You’re peaceful, just traveling on the path towards your destination.

After some time you come upon a massive tree stump in your way.

At this point you have a few options:

1. Get dirty, sweaty and possibly hurt yourself trying to climb over it.
2. Wander off the path you were on and find an alternative route.
3. Turn around.
4. Get upset, feel defeated, give up and die.

‘Tis life baby.

What kind of choices do you make?
What do these choices represent in you?

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When I would argue and fight with my ex it was usually a brutal bitch fest filled with derogatory anger.

I was pretty cruel. But I always believed it was just my reaction to him, and if HE stopped his ways, I could stop mine too.

We both had our fair share of assholery, but I can only discuss my own.

Once I left that hate-filled relationship, I soon started dating a very calm man. During disagreements he would remain calm and ignore my irrational, emotional automatics. Through his sensibilities my own awareness became heightened. Without a bad attitude to latch onto the negativity of my actions and words would bounce off him and smack me right in the face.

I couldn’t blame my behavior on him this time; I was becoming the same fighter I’d always been.

No matter what the other culprit does it always starts and ends with me.

When we fight with a lover (or anyone for that matter) we are usually very much focused what they do and say rather than our own actions. How they treat us, disrespect us and make us feel.

We’re so damn preoccupied with the injustices they perform; we don’t consciously witness our own. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, no matter how bad the others involved. And that includes you.

The next time you find yourself in a disagreement, try to remain even keeled and unaffected by their behavior. It will take time but with enough practice, you might start to see what they do is not really about you, but their own issues. With enough practice you might realize how you react is totally within your control. With enough practice you’ll stop feeding into other people’s negativity, further breeding your own.

Then maybe, just maybe, the change in you might create a change in them too.

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So Sydney over at Retirement: A Full-Time Job tagged me. I pretend to hate it but I really love it.

On with the rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share four things in the following themes.
4. Tag four bloggers at the end of the post with a link.
5. Let those four bloggers know they’ve been tagged by commenting on their blog.

Now the fun:

Four jobs I’ve had:

1. Waitress - the only way to get through college
2. Marketer - love the strategy, not the industry.
3. Farm stand attendant - I grew up in a small town and it was high school.
4. Babysitter - I spend five hrs every Saturday with approx. twenty children ranging from three months to nine years. The ultimate baby fever killer.

Four movies I could watch over and over:

Seriously I could be here forever trying to figure this one out. I like/watch way too many.

Four places I have lived:

There’s technically only two locations: upstate and downstate NY. But in the past six years I moved thirteen times, so I think my nomad behavior counts for something.

Four TV shows I love:

I’ve become much more inclined to watch television since my boyfriend got an HDTV. It really does improve the experience.

Recently I’ve been into the following:

1. The Wire
2. Brothers and Sisters
3. Jon and Kate Plus Eight
4. Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares (the UK version)

Four places I have been on holiday:

I haven’t had a vacation in about seven years*, but I have visited:

1. Spain
2. France
3. Miami
4. Boston

* I hope to remedy this soon.

Four of my favorite dishes:

I live in NYC where some of the best food is, but if I had to narrow it down…

1. Singas Pizza (if you’re ever in Queens)
2. Shake Shack burgers in Madison Square Park
3. City Bakery hot chocolate
4. Balthazar (yes, the entire restaurant)

Four websites I visit daily:

1. Smitten Kitchen
2. Jezebel
3. Facebook
4. Popurls

Four places I would rather be now:

I am not really into the ungrateful tone of this question.

In a perfect world:

1. Closer to a Pinkberry
   
2. Already in my pajamas and washed up for the night
3. Cuddling
4. With more subscribers!
   

Ahh, screw that. It’s already perfect.

The Four Bloggers I’m Tagging:

1. Rogue Ink
2. White On Rice Couple
3. In My Heels
4. A Good Husband

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“In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

- Michelangleo

Looking back, I often notice how far I’ve come. Sometimes it’s accidental changes or successes. Things that just wandered into my life and I was faced to deal with them. Sometimes I created the circumstances. Either way, while experiencing these things, I never considered they will be life-altering.

(Instead, I usually think they will ruin me.)

With maturity and reflection I understand they are what’s responsible for beautiful, little me.

If I didn’t face those situations head-on I wouldn’t have been able to become who I am.

You can let life’s challenges bring you down or you can pick up a chisel and find out what you’re made of.

Make the choice to make it better. Subscribe.

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There’s this fabulous park a few blocks from my office.

The place also has a little dog park, it is sectioned off but I like to watch them play, burning with my puppy envy.

It’s been warm and sunny the past few days and the place was overrun during my lunch hour today.  It was glorious, basking in the sun and people watching.

But today, the wind had to blow doggy urine smell right smack into my blissful park bench.

It was dreadful and strong, whether freshly created or a remnant of other day’s play date, it was difficult to ignore.

Initially I wanted to feel annoyed. How dare that nastiness permeate my good mood! How dare some crappy thing ruin my beautiful lunch break!

Then I held my breath for a moment, told myself the stink would pass, and sure enough in a moment what once was so bad, was good again.

In life, shitty things happen, whether it’s dog piss, illness or mean people. How we deal with those bad things defines how bad they really have to be.

Sometimes if we just hold our breath and focus on the sunshine it’ll be over before we know it.

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Hello beautiful people!

If you’re here from Millionaire Mommy Next Door then please come in and get comfy, we have some getting to know each other to take care of!

Below is a list of my most popular posts to date. You’re sure to find something that speaks to you. Please check them out and don’t forget to add to the discussion in the comments or share MakeItbetter with your friends. Oh yeah, subscribe too…:) 

If you are a regular reader or just happened to stumble onto this page, then by all means also check out my guest post over at Millionaire Mommy Next Door. Read about my skydiving experience - you might just find yourself inspired!

While you’re over there, be sure to roam around a bit because that lady sure knows her stuff - she’s a self-made millionaire who’s sharing her secrets! (She also happens to be very cool and a pretty fab writer.)

Top 10 Posts of All Time:

84 Things to Live By

Free Yourself from American Consumerism

8 Reasons You Should Consider Dating a Dork

8 Important Things to Know Before Cohabitation

I Hate Weddings

20 Reasons Why Corporate Sucks

The Problem with Image

How I Stopped Hating on Halo

That Green Eyed Bitch

Ghetto Houseguest

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You do not admit that it’s all your fault. 

If you’re still with me, at least allow me to explain.

I don’t really believe in the woe-is-me tale. (Especially not in this country.) Yes there are many facets to a sucky life and you may be faced with many of them, but odds are they of your own making.

There are very few situations in life when we become sad victims of circumstance. Most often they are consequences of our own choices and not external forces magically infiltrating our lives with doom and gloom.

If something in your life is amiss, it’s probably because you:

1. Created the problem
2. Don’t take action to change it
3. And/or don’t take any responsibility for your choices

Take for example the other day when I ran into the bagel store. I had parked on the street, threw a quarter in the meter and before I even decided between whole wheat and cinnamon raisin someone was writing me a ticket. The man behind the counter looked at me with pity and told me you can’t park there because of street cleaning.

Negotiating with a NY traffic cop wasn’t happening. Besides the damage was already done. I could’ve thrown out arguments (my typical route) and moaned (futile yet still typical) about my supposed travesty, but it was my own damn fault. I should’ve read the sign. 

Acknowledging the role I played in this brought peace to the negative event. It allowed me to move on quickly and in doing so I gained the lesson (read sign dumbass, don’t assume) right away.

No matter what you don’t like in life, step back and be brutally honest about the role you play in it. Consider what you can change or how to make it better. There’s almost always something.

You’re the only common denominator in all your experiences so stop denying the power your actions have and start making better choices. 

So you don’t miss the brutal honesty, subscribe here. 

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I practice meditation rather poorly. Unless guided in a class, creating mental stillness is not my forte. So when my girl-friend mentioned Gabrielle Roth 5Rhythms class, spouting its fabulousness with enthusiasm, I figured the $20 and two hours was worth its possibilities. The class is made up of five core elements of music each opening you up to all forms of Being. You go into a room and dance with complete strangers for two hours while music is played, freeing your inhibitions and mind.

Basically, it’s dancing as a form of meditation and it was fucking awesome.

After paying, my friend and I chatted for a bit about our prospective lives, sharing a story here and there. The room was filled with waiting participants and as they stretched around me I could feel their anticipation and excitement. I was definitely overdressed, casual for work, but my Bermuda shorts and loose fitting shirt was a bit much compared to the sports bras and yoga pants around me. When you go wear lose fitting and/or workout clothes, plan to sweat a lot, and bring water.

We walked into the room; it was a bare studio with some lighting and large speakers. The music was loud and people had already started to dance, moving at their own preference and pace. I felt awkward and unsure of what to do. As I stood there thinking, I laughed at the humor of it. The whole point was for me to just be present, enjoy, move as I wanted, without a concern for judgment about  what I was supposed to do/be, yet there I was, minutes into it, thinking as usual.

That was lesson 1.

After awhile I caught the energy in the room, ignored my thoughts and started to bop along. It was contagious, the positive and joyous vibes that were bouncing around with these dancing people. It started to become so fun, I had not gone dancing in ages and I loved it. I could feel that everyone was just being himself or herself, moving as they would, not caring how they looked.

Appearances were not an issue here and no one played a role. There was no dressing to impress or sliding up on you, disrespectfully invading your space. There was no value in how you looked, how cool you danced (or didn’t). It was unbelievably freeing; welcomed to be myself.

That was lesson 2.

Throughout the night people were flopping around in some of the most awkward ways. Their bodies twirling and waving along without any real concern for westernized rhythm. Even an open minded person like myself (Hey I went didn’t I!?) was taken aback by some relaxed and “unusual” dance patterns, hairstyles and/or clothing. Looking around at the so-called oddities surrounding me, it was apparent my mind still needed some broadening, as my natural inclination was to judge. I guess that’s where fear of being judged comes from; it takes one to know one.

And lesson 3.

At the end of the night I walked out floating, it had felt like the best yoga I’d ever taken. I was sweaty, tired, and smiley. I had not spoken to anyone in almost two hours, yet shared my space and meditation with a room full of strangers. As I walked 10th avenue I noticed the popular celebrity clubs Marquee and The Pink Elephant were just steps away from where I had just left. I thought of the groups of people that would gather there that weekend, begging to be let in, to be seen, dance and rub elbows with important people.

Funny thing though, for a lot less I had done so much more. 

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For more information and how to attend:

Wikipedia

www.gabrielleroth.com

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This is Part 3 of The Ultimate Crap Detox, which I hope everyone is participating in because nothing is as liberating as freeing yourself from consumerism.

If you haven’t started, please refer here and here to catch up.

This post is easier to cover, but it is still one of the most difficult parts of CD.

As you go along, limiting your purchases and starting the withdrawal process, you may notice that you’ll have an intense desire to spend.Now this may actually be an increased need to spend, it may also just be your minds reaction to not receiving its regular retail fix or it could just be your heightened awareness to how much you do crave obtaining things.

No matter what, it can be difficult to ignore.

During these circumstances you may find you’ll give in to the urge and make a purchase you know isn’t on the detox menu.

Don’t worry it doesn’t really matter.

I know that may sound odd considering the purpose of this experiment, but by falling off the wagon you now have a wonderful opportunity to further explore yourself and your relationship with money and things.

Consider any of the following:

1. How were you feeling when you made the purchase? Ask yourself if these instincts you’re giving in too are emotion based. As in, were you upset about something and it was a form of self-soothing?
2. Was it done out of laziness? Think about whether you were taking the easy way out of a situation. As in, you didn’t want to schlep to the .99 store and stay on budget?
3. Were you rationalizing a want to be a need to fulfill another purpose? Often times this has to be with inflating our ego and the image we care about keeping up. As in, the dress you had to buy for the party (even though with some effort you really have acceptable - but not new - things in your closet already).

You may find there are other reasons for why you relented to spend, so connect with yourself on what those were. Don’t waste your time with self-deprecation though, that only holds you back. If you really want to succeed at this, a bad attitude is not going to help, so get over your mistakes and trudge onward. If you learn from it now, you’ll see it coming next time and won’t fall for your minds unconscious little tricks.

Falling off the wagon hurts, but after a few times the ride will be so easy you might as well be pulling it yourself.

I’d love to hear about anyone’s experience with CD and/or your own consumerism detox story. Leave a comment or send me an email: makeitbetterblog AT gmail DOT com.

For other ideas that might change your life, subscribe here!

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