Comments on: Friendly Venom

By: angryton

angryton — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:52:35 +0000

FYI – created a post on same subject on my own blog – I felt lazy so essentially I simply introduced the subject, linked here, and copy/pasted my own comments…

By: White On Rice Couple

White On Rice Couple — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 04:05:22 +0000

“The theory that what we don’t like in others is a reflection of what we don’t like in ourselves is hogwash.”- So true!!
Your wise reflection here really puts things close to home for me. I have a sibling who fits all your descriptions to perfection. Being the older sibling, I was always accused as the antagonist when something erupted between this “sibling” and I. In my younger years, I spent much time delving into correcting my own possible faults and trying to correct my “toxidity” in-order to improve my relationship with “this sibling”. Finally, my family told me that it was my sibling that possessed all the venom and anger.
I have a toxic sibling and am always honest, will always try to remember to be kind and hope that they find their balance and happiness in life, somewhere, sometime.
Diane

By: angryton

angryton — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 18:29:10 +0000

Btw, a good subject on this blog – will make a blog entry on my own blog on the same.

By: angryton

angryton — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 18:28:35 +0000

Like Retired Syd I can really relate to this article – everybody has probably been there. They come in many varieties.
Some are simply draining your energy/vitality, some are busy ONLY loading their problems and fishing for sympathy -
Some seem to be very occupied with comparing different aspects in life (e.g. economic situation, last holiday destination, love life) – but apparently only when they seem to believe that the comparison is actually an affirmation of their own status.
Some will use you as an audience for their own life, and life stories – only rarely caring enough about you to ask about your life, your experiences and your feelings.
Some are plain psychic vampires, a term coined and PERFECTLY described by Anton LaVey.

The worst kind – or rather the kind where it’s hardest to really let the natural consequences happen in due time – are the friendships that were once good but have over a period of time for one reason or another turned bad. You keep on hoping that the friendship will revert back to a better state, and hoping (almost hoping against hope) that the qualities you once cherished will show again.
From this point it usually take many disappointments before you take the inevitable decision.

But there really is only one sensible thing to do, and that is draw the line and the consequences. As Goethe said – that which disturbs your soul you MUST not suffer.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:29:35 +0000

It’s true, they probably don’t like you. If our instincts about them don’t die after a few years it might be safe to say we should trust them.

It’s important to consider why we do keep them around, because in the end they must serve some purpose or else why wouldn’t we drop them like the poison they are?

Although I’ve yet to figure that part out myself…

By: Retired Syd

Retired Syd — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:25:53 +0000

Boy could I relate to this post. I have one toxic friend and it has been my struggle over the last several years how to end this relationship. It hit rock bottom for me last year (although I think she is oblivious). In my mind, a toxic friend is one that doesn’t love you (or even like you). I prefer my friends that actually like me. (Call me crazy).

Now I do subscribe to the school of thought that says it is very dangerous to make assumptions (i.e. that this friend doesn’t like me), but whether or not it’s true, that’s how I feel about the relationship, and I would prefer to spend my time with those that I feel actual warmth from. (And that’s a lot of people!)

I’m hoping this friendship can just die a natural death, with no action from me, but we’ll see.