Just MakeItBetter

It seems like there are three kinds of people in this world today:

1. Those that follow the crowd and conform to societal norms.
2. Those that dismiss societal and mass appeal without investigating first and forming their individual opinions.
3. Those that observe, think critically, educate themselves about various sides of the issues, and then decide.

Even though the human population is naturally inclined to follow the inertia of their surroundings, there can always be more individuality. All it really takes is knowledge (which can always be taught or found) and the removal of disalusioned, egotistical, omnicient attitudes.

That’ll be the day, right?

Okay so maybe converting your neighbor who only reads one version of the news isn’t so easy.

It can be uncomfortable when you pull up proof that the information they spread is incorrect. But leadership isn’t about intellectual dominance, so share what you know when you can because it never hurts to inspire and enlighten.

Just remember know-it-alls don’t take being wrong well. Pick your battles and tread lightly.

How many times have you seen or heard a person reject something simply because it has mass appeal? Something that may actually be popular because it is good, but still gets loads of slack from them whether they’ve experienced it or not?

Those people are number 2.

Just because something is universally embraced doesn’t always mean it has shoddy craftsmanship. Yes, I’ll be the first to stand up, wave my marketing degree, and shout: “What is this over-produced shit?”

But I love American Idol.

Why?

Because it is unbelievably entertaining.

Between my HDTV’s projection of Simon Cowell’s obnoxious facial expressions, Paula Abdul’s uncanny behavior and the comical auditions, I really can’t hate on it. (Let’s not forget the singing, because when it’s good, it’s good).

Does that make me a conformist? Do I watch that #1 rated TV show because the Nielson ratings say so?

Well, I’m not into “Dancing with the Stars”. I watched it, wasn’t into it, life went on.

My point is, be a #3.

Get off your high horse or lose your indie-only attitude, because either way you’re conforming; it’s just to different things. Be yourself, find what you love; not what the crowd you identify with does. Rejecting what you don’t know is still judgement no matter what side you reside in. Think critically when people tell you their opinions disguised as facts. Just because someone you trust confirms that grass grows blue and you’re blind, doesn’t mean you still shouldn’t Google it.

Remember that next time you hear something can’t be done, because it might not be a fact.

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Last night I watched the last twenty minutes of Dirty Dancing. I’d catch glimpses of it on TNT as I channel surfed, but I hadn’t seen in it years. I practically was raised on that movie, with a multitued of viewers mandated by my older sister. I had always enjoyed it but that night I saw something more.

As Patrick Swayze pulled Jennifer Grey on stage and he gave a speech about the power of standing for what you believe in, he stood not only for himself but for what he had become because of her.

Obvious it may seem, but now the message became crystal clear. For those people you see in what they could be, it is only when you show them through your own actions, could they be influenced to do the same.

Perhaps being eight and being exposed to all that raciness wasn’t so bad after all?

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A long time ago I came to accept that I am idealist. I believe in the way the world could be rather then then what it is. I often look at situations and find that when there’s something unfitting about it, there’s almost always a better way for me to manage it. There doesn’t seem too much in the world that can’t be changed; whether through the work of many, the unadulterated passion of a few, or the intention of one.

Idealism isn’t a weakness. Remember, what is greatest in history are those that changed it.

You don’t have to be an idealist to create change and anyone that says people don’t change is talking about those that choose not too. We all have that dynamic, life changing movement within us, we just have to start believing it knows what it’s talking about. Stop telling it to simmer down and stay quiet inside you.

Change is a choice. For you, for me, and for whomever you wish would.

When you choose to take responsibility for something you can identify how, where, and when different choices can improve upon it. With practice, eventually you’ll find the path to your now awakened ideals with remarkable ease. The biggest changes are usually never the easiest ones, which incidentally always tell you they are most important. If neccessary you can start small and build up to the bigger steps, but as your immunity to change grows you’ll find there won’t be much you are intimidated by.

It could take months or even years. You could even spend the rest of your life controlling your smoking habit, bad-boy attraction or spending sprees. But regardless of the longevity, nothing, absolutely nothing will ever feel as amazing as knowing you’ve succeed in achieving your ideal.

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My boss is 60 and drives me crazy. My last boss was 54 and equally as annoying.

Surely it’s all about me and my bad attitude?Recently a consultant (FYI: age, 47) was hired to evaluate my firm and surprisingly validated the problems I had with my antiquated and disrespectful management. It was liberating to have an outside professional spout the same criticism I have because at this point I am bitter and have lost my initiative.

These validations got me to thinking: what’s the right way to fix this gen. Y/baby boomer hate?

The first step is admitting there’s a problem.

The changes occurring in the workforce are undeniable and age gaps are creating conflicts with the old and the new. As a young worker I am extremely discouraged by the limitations that I am placed in. The entry level games and hierarchy, my unwillingness to participate in it and how my age is often used to undermine my performance. The stubbornness in generation Y is also resented by those that came before and bit their tongues, earning their keep as expected. Theses superiors don’t trust their younger coworkers and won’t relinquish any control, which in turn causes temper tantrums in a generation that doesn’t believe their age holds them back, nor does it determine their rights. It’s a simple case of both wanting their own way, not realizing that they could be much more fruitful together then apart.

Sorry Grandpa, technology trumps the 9-5.

Today’s youth have been raised on the technological advancements that earlier generations commonly ignore. Whether it is from ignorance, intimidation or choice. Yes, there are many in the older crowd that have adapted and would give the fastest texters a run for their money, but for the most part, they are not hip to what’s hot on the tech circuit. The advantages that come with computer and technological savvy are immeasurable, yet so often, baby boomers continue typing with two fingers and snubbing the “The Four Hour Work Week”. With these skills comes the ability to do things faster, with greater ease, resulting in an increase in productivity and still it seems many want to work harder, not smarter. All because it’s what they know.On the other side, the gen Yer’s have always had this technological luxury - at least early enough for it to be a staple in their lives - and with that comes the freedom to work and do with a flexibility that once could not exist. I could probably do more in one hour then most baby boomers could in two. And it’s not because they aren’t capable of it, they just don’t utilize and comprehend the available resources as I do; they haven’t spent the last ten years of their life engulfed by it. But when you wear the Partner’s pants and since change is hard, it’s a lot easily to keep things the way they are.

Survival of the fittest: if you don’t adapt, you die.

Old fashioned and outdated is exactly what this workforce has become.

People weren’t designed to work as we are in today’s era. Maybe fifty years ago this model fit perfectly, but today it just hinders the most efficient employees when creating a good product or service. The rules, regulations and structure are suffocating and instead of optimizing your employee’s time it actually smothers creativity and loyalty. If some days I had an extra hour of sleep I would not only be healthier, but would spend more days doing something valuable as opposed to pattering around the office, drinking coffee and hoping that if I look busy I’ll be left alone. Unfortunately, that and me “showing up on time” is more important, more professional, and apparently more logical. What’s that? Why should I be able to do get that extra hour? Because If I do my work my way, I can get it done faster and more then satisfactory. I know what is best for me to optimize my own self, not you. I can do an eight hour day of work in probably five or six (as many of us can), and we all know those other few are usually spent as small breaks in which you appear working but really your emailing, organizing, staring into space just waiting for it to trickle down to the end of day.Studies have shown that people work more efficiently under a time deficiency and during certain periods of the day, so why not use science to increase your bottom line, instead of trying to redefine human nature?

It’s all pretty foolish.

Oh yeah, and old and tired.

The perfect marriage.

Baby boomers and other industry old-timers are indispensable (the good ones that is, you know who you are). The wisdom of age and experience is irreplaceable and when those that have something to teach embrace the youthful vigor and casual nature of their younger coworkers, together they could make such an incredibly powerful couple.

Let’s experiment, shall we?

Imagine the wisdom you know you’ll have at sixty-five, eighty five or even a hundred.

Now imagine that wisdom at work in your twenty-five year old body.

Now imagine the things you could’ve done.

That’s why right now we are in a place of great opportunity. When could we be so blessed to have a determined, savvy and advanced group of young individuals be paired with some of the best thinkers who have not only paved a path of success, but are mostly responsible for the empowered youth they resist!?We can learn something from each other, as we all can, in life, not just in work. As someone on the young side, I can do my best to fight for change or to share what I can, but it goes both ways. As those mostly in positions of power, children of the past not only hold the cards to make the transitions sweeter but you are responsible for what we could be. You can also use the office rug-rats to keep you up on what’s current, because if you want to stay relevant you better be willing to learn.

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I’ve never really been too much of envious person; usually holding tight to the idea that “their success is not my failure”. Recently though, as I struggle to find my place in this writing/blogging world, I find that I am often detered by what others have accomplished. Inspiration and determination has not been springing within me as I am often deflated by the rising success of others.

The green dragon really likes to unexpectedly bite you in the ass, doesn’t it?

In not wanting to be an envious and hateful cod, I’ve forwarded my thinking to understanding why.

Well to start I’m disgustingly afraid of failing at this whole writing venture I’ve set upon and the more involved I get the more I uncover how much I need to learn (this road is getting long and intimidating).

But, isn’t that true about anything you want?

It wouldn’t be what you wanted if it were easy. Isn’t what we want the most what we believe we are farthest from? What we are passionate about is always something that we have to struggle with to achieve, because why would we ever aspire for something within our reach?

Maybe that means jealousy is your brain telling you:

“Yeah, you want that. Now just go out and get it!”

Allowing this jealousy to get to me isn’t going to help, and feeding into it is only going to create failure, so I might as well find some way to use these feelings to my advantage.

At least until I am able to get over them.

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Guy Kawasaki posts a video about people that are doing just that.

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I’ve had the fortunate, at times challenging, pleasure of living with men for the majority of my young adult life. During the first few years of college, I shared a dorm hall with boys yet to be men, one in particular who befriended my roommate and me so well that most nights he was platonically sleeping in our room. (Now, they have their own bed to share.) Since then I’ve shared living space (on and off) with either boyfriends or male friends. Here are a few things I’ve learned from closely observing the other half.

1. Men are creatures of habit. Yes, some have heard it before, but knowing it and accepting it are vital aspects of a relationship with men. No matter what their routines are, it will be in your best interest to just go along with it. Being resistant to his seemingly ridiculous habits will only combat what you are trying to create. As long as you get what is required when the time is right, embrace his need for instant gratification and you’ll be happier with his behavior in the long run. Besides, if you have that big of an issue with it, you may want to look at yourself and consider what it is really about. Either that or perhaps you need to go out and get your own life.

2. Don’t force it. If you pressure them into something, (rather then allow them to make decisions on their own) your proposal will often get bitterly rejected. Express your need for whatever it is you want, shine a pretty light on it and anticipate the best. Most likely, if he’s a kind soul, he’ll go along with the ride. If he doesn’t, it might just not be the right time for that romantic picnic. Although, if you find yourself never getting any reciprocity, perhaps you need to look at the entire picture, not just the incident. Make sure you’re not traveling alone down a one-way street.

3. Men’s brains are not storage facilities. Their knowledge bank can be a large and as irritatingly correct as ours, but unlike us, they generalize information and aren’t concerned with life’s details. If something is important to you and they need to be prepared for it, just accept that they’ll probably need a reminder notice. Don’t judge them for not remembering Mother’s Day, social conditioning and expectations are not always the best identifiers of love. Sometimes the best indicators of kindness and devotion are those that happen while we are busy planning Valentine’s Day.

4. Expect to repeat yourself. A lot. Along with what I said above, men tend to forget or get distracted by some other much more entertaining activity then bathroom washing. But, a good friend, partner, and roommate are more then willing to share responsibilities and reach your expectations when needed. If something needs attention and just because it’s a vital aspect of your life doesn’t mean those around you may be as aware. Remind him, write a note or knit it into his underwear if need be, just as long as he gets the message.

5. Your version of clean is not always theirs. Of the seven men I’ve lived with none were that clean (as in dirt, not clutter, although I’ve seen both) and when they did do their share of the domestic duties it often was not to the common investigator’s standards. Either patiently teach an eager student or just be thankful that the effort was put forth in the first place. Sometimes it pays to be less rigid.

6. Know when to discuss it. I can relate to the eager need to go over travel plans, share your exciting story or give birthday details right away, but make sure you have an attentive audience before you share. We’ve all heard men aren’t as apt to multitasking so don’t wish for miracles when you jabber out dates during the post work wind down. If you want someone’s full attention, aim to get it when it’s readily available.

7. Doormats aren’t attractive. People get tired of walking all over you and men are no exception. If you never disagree because you never have an opinion, that’s not healthy, it’s pretty much lying by omission. Standing for what you believe in and having conviction is way sexier then keeping the peace. The odds are your act will get old and boring and before you know it your identity will be fading away with his interest.

8. Food and sex really do fix (almost) everything. Little else makes a man instantly happy. Considering it more often then not.

9. Breakups are just as bad for them too. I’ve seen a many a men whimper around because of the great power of women. Their egos are just protective shields keeping them from displaying their rainbow of emotions. Be kind to them too.

10. Let them be the boys they’ll always want to be. It’s true that they never really do grow out of being immature little rascals. They’ll all have different variations of it, but when they’re together, it’s likely to get ridiculous. It also happens to be fabulous. If they’re at the stage of real adulthood, they’ll know when to control it, but when their childish grandeur strikes, let it flow. Or better yet, join in and see how fun it can be.

Most of these are generalities and times they are a-changing, but this is what I know for now. It isn’t a definition of them but rather a guide for some of them. It’s meant to broaden our minds in acceptance of our differences, because the more we understand, the better partners we can be. What do you guys think? What else would you add?

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“If a couple really wants to test their love they should try sharing a five hundred square foot apartment.” - Me

My boyfriend (let’s call him J from now on, as boyfriend is getting old) and I met while living on the same block. I used to live about three houses down from him and now we share his apartment as our own. Living so close was probably one of the best arrangements a couple could dream of. It was a new dating experience, being so unbelievably available to one another, but still appropriately separate. Now living together, the individual mysteries are fading with each day and even though we are closer then ever I sometimes long for the solitude and selfishness my own apartment once gave me the freedom to indulge (but never really knew I needed). Living in a small space is unfathomably a huge challenge, but sharing any at all is always a test of tolerance.

I got to thinking that perhaps designated or separate living space may be a solution to avoid the inevitable irritability and boredom that recent research proved comes from years of togetherness.  Apparently, it’s about the dirty toothpaste cap, his loud chewing and my cheesy music choices - those little things that despite them, you still love your significant other, but still can’t help but sometimes wish they’d change their “annoying” habits. These elements are the ones that over time become bigger and bigger annoyances; what once was tolerable is now an everyday frustration.

The physical closeness that comes with living together can be a hindrance when connecting with yourself and each other. The separation you once were saddened by suddenly becomes the blessing of solitude and you eventually appreciate when you can take over your home without a concern for someone else’s interests. Romance is also hard to maintain when you never have an opportunity to long for the presence of your lover. They’re probably in the other room battling away at some virtual enemy or engaging in some other hobby. Even if you don’t interact with them, you know they are there, available when the desire strikes and if someone is that accessible it’s no big shock that we naturally start taking it for granted.

When you’re in a serious relationship it’s inevitable that you’ll be compromising most of the time. That’s why commitment can be so hard. It’s not just that you’ll be having sex with the same person for the rest of your life (even though if being faithful is a struggle, that’s a compromise in itself). Your life isn’t about you anymore, it’s about the both of you, and with that comes the everyday sacrifices. Before cohabitation you don’t have to deal with the everyday differences.  You can hide your secret behavior and be your best when you are together. That’s not to say that you should have to hide, or that when the oddities show up they shouldn’t just be accepted, but that doesn’t mean efforts can’t be made not to showcase them. Once you’re experiencing everyday proximity, it’s hard to control it though, and since you pretty much spend your life accommodating the relationship, while balancing your own wants and needs, it’s no surprise after thirty years your spouse is normally number one on your hit list.

When researchers are telling us this:

In general, the longer partners stay together, the more they have to deal with the other’s idiosyncrasies, for instance. “When you’re living together, it’s a lot harder to avoid each other,” Birditt said.

Isn’t it time we listen?

So what can we learn from the University of Michigan researchers to redefine what is normal?

Living your own life helps, as does remembering to appreciate your spouse, but frankly, relationship are enough effort. I’d rather learn from what others have found out and perhaps devise a better system. Maybe better means separate apartments, allocated rooms, or if the finances allow, your own wing, just find what will work for you, because love does grow when we’re together, but our love for each other only grows when we’re apart.

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I’ve probably spent the last eight months extensively reading and researching about blogs. I know all about Technorati, SEO, Dooce and Seth Godin (although I did know about him before). I realize that I don’t really know much when measured against the big players, but I’ve done my homework and feel I’m a pretty well schooled beginner. Anyone that is following what I am talking about also knows there’s a formula that can be applied to help build a blog’s success. Marketing strategies and methodologies are available and mostly explained within, where else, the blogosphere.

Sites like Copyblogger and Problogger give amazing advice to those that are looking to jump on the blog bandwagon. They lead by example and as they follow their own guidelines, they demonstrate how to find monetary success, which even further encourages the use of the formula.  These men offer a wonderful service and it isn’t there fault that their sites create big dreams in the blog world. There is purpose for it and it furfils a substantial need, but it doesn’t mean these writers can (or should) filter out the mediocrity caused by it. Just as American Idol auditions can’t stop the delusional singers from joining the line, Darren can’t stop bad blogs from being written. 

Bear in mind that I am not talking about the fifteen year old posting her poetry or the parent ranting about the terrible twos.

You know whom I mean - the 675862 personal finance blog that offers no insight and is just a sad regurgitation of information already better spouted by predecessors. 

Yes that blog needs to die.

This stuff runs on the capitalistic dreams of people who are trying to apply processes in order to make some money but it devalues and dilutes the legitimacy of blogging. The influx of crap these people are writing makes it amazingly obvious that their clear intention is to build adsense income. This is usually picked up by the educated eye and thereby explains why some readers feed into it and possibly become misinformed.

There’s nothing wrong with doing something well and then finding the best way to make an income off of it (actually if possible try to live by that) but these mediocre sites are keeping the authenticity of those that are posting valuable, original content to be lost amongst all the muck. 

The last thing the blog world needs is another site filled with linkbaiting top 10 Lists. It does need people thinking for themselves, because just because something has always been done one way, doesn’t make it better.

So go ahead and start a blog, integrate the knowledge and wisdom of those who’ve found success before you, but don’t copy your way to sheepdom.

Hell, at least aim for the billy goat.

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