Just Make It Better

Since I am a heterosexual female this post will be written from that perspective, but I urge you, regardless of your orientation, to consider where your life may fit into it.

If I were single now, I would surely be a cheap date.

I wasn’t always a woman who didn’t have high romantic demands.  I had a relationship that was luxurious, at least for me and my poor college girl lifestyle. He was all the things a woman is supposed to want, I suppose.  He’d bring the flowers and candies. The fancy dinners and holidays were always filled with material abundance.  He was a kind man, but I never loved him.  I was young and inexperienced and he adored me.

I was insecure and not mature enough to realize that’s why I told him I loved him back.

He came off as the world’s greatest catch and I never let on how “uncatchable” he was when he wasn’t buying my affections.  My interest wasn’t about him, it was about the way he treated me and what he gave me. Things I couldn’t give myself at the time; stuff and love.

After I grew the strength to leave, I walked away guilt ridden, confused and ashamed.

Since then, the reflection on those lessons have given me the greatest understanding of love and happiness in a relationship. I can tell you it has nothing to do with things. Not a thing. When a holiday comes around I don’t have expectations for some grand gesture of my lover’s affections. He displays them everyday; in his kindness, sincerity and appreciation. He proves his love for me not through expensive items or overcompensating bouquets, but by encouraging my independence and self expression. Our love is not measured by the size of a ring he’s willing to go into debt for, instead I choose to express mine by releasing that societal pressure off of him.

I love a wonderful night out, dressed to kill, with an expensive dinner bill. But I love him more.

Love that is truly unconditional has no bank book. A man and a woman find success in their excess of each other, rich or poor. There’s no need for someone’s attraction to be built off the distractions of todays romantic ideals. In the beginning the flashy things just cloud perspective, holding you back from the reality of a potential match.  Step back and consider it next time you take someone out on a date. A long walk lets you know how much you like them much more clearly than the buzz of a bar and a beer.

Consider this: if you could take it all away, every bit of indulgence, every benefit, would you still love your mate/date? Are they just enough? Are you just enough? If no, then get away from that horrible place, stand up and leave, for love is only love when it is authentic.  All relationships are meant to bring you joy, but with true love, the sincerest pleasure will come from the simplest things.  Just believe you deserve it and will find it.

That is, only with great expectations.

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