Just Make It Better

After years or god forbid months of dating many people choose to take their relationship into that level where your place and mine becomes ours. Although signing that new lease together can rightfully save loads of money and encourage a great relationship to blossom further, there are a few important details one must consider before leaping into a that commitment laden pool.

1. Dollars and cents. Money is one of the most appetizing aspects of moving in with your love and it usually is the first incentive that brings people to this decision. Don’t do it, don’t consider it and if you are, reconsider your relationship. Saving a buck is appealing and can give you the opportunities or lifestyle changes you so desire, but when it comes to sharing your life and living space with someone you love money should not matter – if it is your true motivation, grow up, downgrade or get a roommate.

2. Living space. Similar to roommates, general guidelines should be discussed and set before the actually togetherness commences. Just because you can handle something when you have a sleepover doesn’t mean you’ll be able to swallow it with ease when it is your own home. If you can’t deal with dishes in the sink make sure to mention it before your head implodes at the repetitive sight of dirty cereal bowls. Whatever your quirks are, share them with each other and be patient in the first few months while each of you gets to know the others living habits.

3. You think you know…but when you find his weird 70’s porn collection while rummaging for your garage sale you might feel a bit blindsided. If you love them and want to share your life with them, the oddities and insightful things that come out (which inevitably will) need to just stay stashed away as though you never knew. Some things are just better left unsaid. Now, her old grade school photos are worth fawning over.

4. Sorry, it’s not about you anymore. It’s about us. Moving in together is a BIG deal and don’t take it lightly. You’re not playing house. Large decisions that directly affect your partner or their living space require that you make those choices together. Not only does it show you respect them but also eliminates any reason for them to feel entitled to make moves without you too. If you can’t handle the idea of his beloved nasty recliner stinking up your pretty apartment try to love it along with him.  If you feel pressured or suffocated by this commitment, imagine how you’ll feel if you live it.

5. You are one person. With all this talk of unifying and combing of lives it is important to remember that no matter how close a couple you are you are still your own person. Relationships are healthier when two secure lives are blended together, with a distinct indication of individualism. Maintain your lifestyle and friendships; integrate your own styles and influences throughout your new home. Your relationship is something that enhances your spirit, complimenting it to new heights. Don’t let it take over who you are.

6. Stay pretty while you still can. Unlike in the past when you would sleep over, gather together midday, or meet up at your favorite eatery, everyday now starts with morning breath and ends with pajamas. When you trudge home every night you won’t always have the energy stay as fresh as before. Make it a habit to shave a little more often or put on a silk slip instead of sweats. Be conscious of these choices – your sex life won’t evaporate.

7. Accept them. Many of us can say we love our partner, but have we truly accepted them? Looking at them as perfect just as they are is a difficult proposition. How can they be perfect, no one is? It’s meant to symbolize the tolerance you need to create in your heart for their quirks, idiosyncrasies and downright irritating attributes. Growth and differences can take time to adjust, change is not easy to overcome. Imagine that this person you love is pure perfection.  It is a wonderful way to know how you really feel, because to have true success with them you need to love them just as they are.

8. Not sure? Frankly, if any of this is freaking you out you probably should reconsider your new roommate. Like everything important in life, you just know.

Moving in together isn’t easy, and it often isn’t recommended either. But like most people in love, you’ll make decisions perhaps you shouldn’t. For if it’s real nothing should matter except that you’re together. If nothing else mattered, (money, nor place, nor famine or foe) and after all of this all you want is to share your life with her – then I say jump fast, because a love like that will only survive with you 100% into it.

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