Just MakeItBetter

Many women today often plan on marrying someone wealthy and if they don’t they plan on having him take control of their financial future. I can relate to the bratty attitude in wanting to chuck it all and find someone to just take care of me while I live the good life with all the other botoxed housewives. It would be impossible to grow up in todays society and not be affected by the reassurance that a nice ass will get you the home you’ve always dreamed off (let alone the limitations the media’s feminine role models portray for those of us dreaming of partnered independence). Unfortunately though, a man is not the financial plan your Charles Schwab advisor will want for you, and neither should you.

Incorporating financial planning into a lifestyle is not as difficult as you may believe. There are many resources available that explain concepts clearly and can incorporate some excitement in them so you’re enthusiastic about the possibilities you can make for yourself.

Some resources that I’ve found to be quite informative are:

Books:

David Bach The Millionaire Next Door

Although his style of writing may not excite you, the simple math exemplified in other people’s investment might make you reconsider your “latte” purchase long enough to sign up for that 401K.

Suzi Orman

There are numerous titles to choose from and you can catch her on CNBC Saturday 8:00 PM

If her harsh words and stringent attitude doesn’t make you cringe, her personal wardrobe choices might. Nevertheless, she’s a powerhouse of financial knowledge that is easy to grasp and even if you can’t get past the character display, watch a few times and you’ll be entertained while learning something.

Blogs:

The Simple Dollar

Trent writes about investments and frugality while incorporating his own money catastrophes and experiences. His simple two cents will help encourage you to make better choices, purchases and lifestyles changes. Don’t expect him to understand your need for anything pretty, but you will be able to get some great pointers on how to save up for it along the way.

I Will Teach You to be Rich

This is a meatier site for those who’ve graduated from learning simpler investments and other small money matters. Ramit definitely knows what he is talking about and sometimes his ego seems to get in the way, but he’ll challenge you if you let him.

Get Rich Slowly

This blog is one of the best in the niche. With clear, concise and fluid writing J.D allows the reader to be informed while still feeling connected. His realistic perspectives keep cynicism at bay while mandating a clear understanding between cheap and frugal. This balance gives strong, intelligent and sophisticated people the advice and knowledge they need to make decisions for themselves without being overwhelming.

Although the list is rather short this isn’t a financial blog and my intention is to give you the incentive you may need to take interest in your future. Besides, just checking out any of these sites will give you direction on where to head further for additional resources.

No matter what age you are your finances are your problem, whether or not you’re married or even working your future is still in your hands alone. Incidents can occur that can render you spouseless and feeling like it can’t happen to you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare wisely. Know where your family’s investments, debts and expenses are and create separate divisions for yourself as well. Self education also means you could contribute opportunities and ideas that were otherwise overlooked. The earlier you start the more freedom you will have once the chains of life (mortgage, status symbol BMW) start weighing down and prohibiting you.

It’s exciting to have control over your income and it’s even more thrilling to watch it grow, much more then any new purchase - you’ll see.

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1. They always look better with you around then when your not. Typically, geeky guys spend their income and time on more interesting things like external hard drives and the articles receiving the highest Diggs that day. So, when you date them you get to feel like your fashion influence is as much a blessing to their ego as it is yours.

2. You’ll always be the hot one. They’ll just never care enough to compete. Even if the man is a beautiful gem, he’ll still never put in as much effort as you do. He can still be a cutie without the arrogance that can sometimes come with the metro-man. Which is so superb because you get to reign over your bathroom like the queen you are.

3. They seems to know about practically everything.  If they don’t know it, they’ll research the shit out of it until they do. No matter what it is you need help to build, Google, repair, organize, clean, manipulate, the odds are a geek knows about it or can and will master it in half the time then the rest of the human race could.

4. They will always challenge your mind and with that, probably everything you have to say too. This keeps you on your toes, keeping you sharp and you’ll never stop learning. A woman who is smart enough to keep up with a geek will truly appreciate how great it is to be with someone who always has something insightful to say. The downside is he’ll probably demand a bibliography of some sorts when you are breaking down the metaphysical properties of some new handbag purchase you’re rationalizing. But that’s okay, because after some time with him, you’ll be ready for anything; whether it is his expectations of sources or Congress.

5. They do whatever they do with such passion (and that includes you). Generally speaking, when a dork is into something, he does not do it half-assed. He’ll spend hours looking into his latest interest, whether it is prehistoric man or the innovators behind Battlestar Galatica. This is great for you because that interest will most certainly be parlayed into you and your relationship. Be assured he will be as enthralled by the incomprehensible fact you’re having sex with him as he once was by the Halo 3 trailer.

6. They are simple and sweet. People say the best things in life are free, they say all you need is love, well all he’ll really want is your love. When you have someone like that, you have everything.

7. You’ll always have the hottest camera/computer/phone. Being that his world pretty much revolves around stuff like that, next time you mention wanting one, know for sure yours’ will be the best on the block.

8. Their introverted qualities keep them from the bar crawl. Even if their friends drag them out to that scene, the odds are there was a literal dragging. To quote one of the best I’ve heard “I don’t want to go, I’d rather pay you to strip!”

Geeks, nerds, and dorks aren’t what they used to be. Social conditioning has led us to believe they’re pocket protecting, socially awkward losers. Realistically, dorks come in various, wonderful packages that are available in every preference, be it tall and blonde or small and brown. Being a dork isn’t a physical attribute; it’s a characteristic of the person. Which is the best part because then you really can have your pick.

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A lot can be said of the responsibilities of our society and what it does or does not enhance in our minds and lives. Many arguments are thrown around with such forthright as to how the children are today and what they need in order to be better tomorrow. All those of today are responsible for our followers of tomorrow. We must first challenge ourselves to rise above the static of society and our own insecurities. We must not refrain from our determination to create a better world for those that follow us, but rather be that of which we would love to see them be.

Simplistic it may seem, and that is quite simply what it is. The only way to create a change in any given attitude (including your own) is to just be something different then what already is and should not be. The more difficulty you find being what you want to see the more likely it is that you see the fault in yourself first. We cannot forgive the shortcomings of others that we would not or have not forgiven of ourselves.

When I catch that ever-unapologetic imperfection looming in my mind, I am not only pulling myself into my own puddle of self pity but I take away from all those I could inspire. With each passing judgment or self-deprecating comment we not only regress those around us but promote their negativity. Rather, with passing positivism and inspirational action we can give each and all something to look up too.

Start by acknowledging your discomfort with it, whatever ‘it’ may be, and instead of defending it or judging it, work on letting it go. Then with each day release it, and let it go! Just give it up already! Growth does not happen quickly, there’s no great training or therapy to create this everlasting fix. We all know anything that comes that easily cannot be all that worthwhile in the first place. So stop saying you know the line and actually decide to live it. If you want to change the world, go change yourself first. Because in truth, inside us all is where the problem lies and where it can end.  The diversity of our world is great and this gives each one of us an opportunity to do something transformative. As soon as each one of us agrees to find peace in ourselves, more peace we will bring to those we share this world with.

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After years or god forbid months of dating many people choose to take their relationship into that level where your place and mine becomes ours. Although signing that new lease together can rightfully save loads of money and encourage a great relationship to blossom further, there are a few important details one must consider before leaping into a that commitment laden pool.

1. Dollars and cents. Money is one of the most appetizing aspects of moving in with your love and it usually is the first incentive that brings people to this decision. Don’t do it, don’t consider it and if you are, reconsider your relationship. Saving a buck is appealing and can give you the opportunities or lifestyle changes you so desire, but when it comes to sharing your life and living space with someone you love money should not matter - if it is your true motivation, grow up, downgrade or get a roommate.

2. Living space. Similar to roommates, general guidelines should be discussed and set before the actually togetherness commences. Just because you can handle something when you have a sleepover doesn’t mean you’ll be able to swallow it with ease when it is your own home. If you can’t deal with dishes in the sink make sure to mention it before your head implodes at the repetitive sight of dirty cereal bowls. Whatever your quirks are, share them with each other and be patient in the first few months while each of you gets to know the others living habits.

3. You think you know…but when you find his weird 70’s porn collection while rummaging for your garage sale you might feel a bit blindsided. If you love them and want to share your life with them, the oddities and insightful things that come out (which inevitably will) need to just stay stashed away as though you never knew. Some things are just better left unsaid. Now, her old grade school photos are worth fawning over.

4. Sorry, it’s not about you anymore. It’s about us. Moving in together is a BIG deal and don’t take it lightly. You’re not playing house. Large decisions that directly affect your partner or their living space require that you make those choices together. Not only does it show you respect them but also eliminates any reason for them to feel entitled to make moves without you too. If you can’t handle the idea of his beloved nasty recliner stinking up your pretty apartment try to love it along with him.  If you feel pressured or suffocated by this commitment, imagine how you’ll feel if you live it.

5. You are one person. With all this talk of unifying and combing of lives it is important to remember that no matter how close a couple you are you are still your own person. Relationships are healthier when two secure lives are blended together, with a distinct indication of individualism. Maintain your lifestyle and friendships; integrate your own styles and influences throughout your new home. Your relationship is something that enhances your spirit, complimenting it to new heights. Don’t let it take over who you are.

6. Stay pretty while you still can. Unlike in the past when you would sleep over, gather together midday, or meet up at your favorite eatery, everyday now starts with morning breath and ends with pajamas. When you trudge home every night you won’t always have the energy stay as fresh as before. Make it a habit to shave a little more often or put on a silk slip instead of sweats. Be conscious of these choices – your sex life won’t evaporate.

7. Accept them. Many of us can say we love our partner, but have we truly accepted them? Looking at them as perfect just as they are is a difficult proposition. How can they be perfect, no one is? It’s meant to symbolize the tolerance you need to create in your heart for their quirks, idiosyncrasies and downright irritating attributes. Growth and differences can take time to adjust, change is not easy to overcome. Imagine that this person you love is pure perfection.  It is a wonderful way to know how you really feel, because to have true success with them you need to love them just as they are.

8. Not sure? Frankly, if any of this is freaking you out you probably should reconsider your new roommate. Like everything important in life, you just know.

Moving in together isn’t easy, and it often isn’t recommended either. But like most people in love, you’ll make decisions perhaps you shouldn’t. For if it’s real nothing should matter except that you’re together. If nothing else mattered, (money, nor place, nor famine or foe) and after all of this all you want is to share your life with her – then I say jump fast, because a love like that will only survive with you 100% into it.

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I have a love/hate relationship with Halo, and now unfortunately, Call of Duty 4. I fear that I may have lost my boyfriend to it, and although I understand the merits of the game, I still can’t help but feel bothered by the loss of my love’s attention. Despite these quandaries I have for these make-believe war games, I can’t help but see the shimmering silver lining standing behind Master Chief. There really is as much to love about the game as there is to hate.

The cons of it all are quite obvious:

1. Hours are spent with them all over their Xbox and not you. It’s hard not to miss him when a new game arrives; his excitement alone (although sometimes not blatantly obvious) is infectious along with foreshadowing of the neglect that’s to come.

2. Friends and fellow gamers encourage his devotion with daily Halo calls trying to determine the next hour for battle. One can’t help but groan when the topic travels to your phone calls, with stories of how much it has sold and the unbelievable graphics.

3. The obsessive nature of the whole thing is enough to bear without the racket of gunfire and CB voiceovers lingering in the background. It’s like a chronic playback of “Black Hawk Down” won’t stop infiltrating your home.

4. Anything substantial that you’ve mentioned will pretty much have been forgotten the moment you speak. Therefore, any valuable conversation must be completely avoided during any times of play, including so-called “breaks”. His mind is still adjusting to the war zone he just got out of.

The pros need initially required a little more digging:

1. Games as big as Halo 3 and Call of Duty 4 don’t come out very often, which guarantee you only a few times a year (if that) when you’d need to sit through the rampages that will take over your television.

2. With the advent of technology like Xbox Live, gamers can play and interact with their friends without leaving their own homes. This benefits the “one that the gamer forgot” because not only are they safe, but if something does come up, they’re at your disposal - especially if a large order of takeout arrives when you’re in need of a little love.

3. Unlike a lot of other activities they could be engaged in, video games are pretty harmless. If there are no young children present, the violent nature of the game shouldn’t affect sanity and that’s great because it’s probably making them smarter anyway.

4. Spending time with your own friends is an essential part of a healthy relationship. We all need our time to reflect and relax, and sometimes the things we love to do we love doing more with our friends. Let the bonding ensue and you’ll get more quality attention when the time comes.

Despite these unfortunate and equally annoying traits that come with dating a gamer, my observations have enabled me to control the hen-pecker within me, because there are better avenues in which to respond. No matter what your significant other loves to do (sports, poker, shopping, and reading) with their spare time, allow them the freedom to enjoy it without your billowing insecurity to take over. It’s fulfilling to watch him with something he loves, as I’d hope he’d feel with me too. The truth is, I’d probably be obsessed with it too.

That is, if I could get any good at it.

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